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Thread: Cross-cultural love

  1. #21
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Okay then, fenixpollo!
    I went back and edited my post. Now tell me, are you also going to be judgemental about the way I might or might not raise my own children? Then you are welcome to read my post prior to this one and take it to heart.
    Thank you for your contribution.

    Now, back to the thread:
    As we can see in the many examples graciously shared by forum members, sometimes it is difficult to reach a ready agreement when differences of opinion arise that are not constructively addressed. This situation seems worse when the people involved in it also have different backgrounds: It could be cultural, linguistic, of ethnicity, gender, finances, political, or religious... But most of those differences can be overcome with a little bit of tolerance and respect for each other's differences.
    Still, sometimes it can drive one nuts!
    Thank you.
    Dan F
    ¿88 relatos descarriados? Un leve desliz…

  2. #22
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Quote Originally Posted by danielfranco
    Okay then, fenixpollo!
    I went back and edited my post. Now tell me, are you also going to be judgemental about the way I might or might not raise my own children? Then you are welcome to read my post prior to this one and take it to heart.
    Thank you for your contribution.
    For what it's worth, the hyperbole was pretty clear to me (even before you added the "here-comes-sarcasm" warning ), and I think you were right to make that point to Whisky con ron.

    Quote Originally Posted by danielfranco
    For goodness sake, whoever heard two people couldn't communicate using the very same language (apart from Americans and British, that is)(ahem, another hyperbole...)?
    I had a girlfriend from the States who, although could (usually) understand what I said, the big problem was with our different senses of humour... I wouldn't go as far as to say that she had an irony-deficiency problem, but... in fact, yeah, I would.

  3. #23
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Returning in a non-confrontational and non-hyperbolic way to the subject of what one teaches one's children, my girlfriend and her husband managed very well.

    She's a bilingual Quebecois and he's a Bolivian. She speaks to the children in French; he speaks to them in Spanish; and when they're all together they speak English. The children are perfectly trilingual, although their preferred language probably depends on which country they happen to be living in at the time (meaning which language their friends at school are speaking).
    "The trouble with normal is it always gets worse." Bruce Cockburn

  4. #24
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Quote Originally Posted by danielfranco
    Now tell me, are you also going to be judgemental about the way I might or might not raise my own children?
    Are you challenging me to? I could read that sentence and think you were trying to be confrontational, or I could give you the benefit of the doubt. You reacted quite harshly to whisky's comments without practicing the tolerance you speak of. I was just pointing that out to you, and pointing out how my experience as a teacher of immigrant children in Dallas-Fort Worth differs from yours -- I met so many people who didn't teach their kids the language from their home country, it was amazing to me.

    You haven't told us how you raise your children, so I have nothing to judge you about. If you decide to post that info, however, Whisky and I will collaborate on a scathing critique of your childrearing methods and post it here in the form of a personal attack. K?

    (that last paragraph was sarcasm.) :-D
    Ignorance --> fear --> anger --> hate --> violence. || Knowledge => tolerance => acceptance => love => peace.

  5. #25
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Quote Originally Posted by fenixpollo
    (that last paragraph was sarcasm.) :-D
    Aaah drat and bother! I was looking forward to joining in a bit of cross-cultural hate about raising children born of cross-cultural love.

    Whatever way you folks raise your chisselers, I'm agin' it!

  6. #26
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    We be cool then... Perhaps I bristled out of long standing, knee-jerk like reaction to anyone that offers any sort of comment about my children without invitation. So maybe it's just me, alright? It was just the double-barrel approach that got my undies in a bunch.

    Now, like Chaska said, meanwhile back at the ranch...
    ¿88 relatos descarriados? Un leve desliz…

  7. #27
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    What does "chisselers" mean?
    I'll be glad if you correct my English. Thank you

  8. #28
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    well. im colombian, I agree with the most of you, because try to understand to your couple is very difficult sometimes, or majority of times, any way every one is different and when you are in love with someone, you should try to understand your couple by chatting, chatting and chatting. we are human beings and that is the way to solve problems.

  9. #29
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Quote Originally Posted by gato2
    What does "chisselers" mean?
    Children - usually irritating ones belonging to other people!

  10. #30
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Quote Originally Posted by andresmanuel
    well. im colombian, I agree with the most of you, because try to understand to your couple is very difficult sometimes, or majority of times, any way every one is different and when you are in love with someone, you should try to understand your couple by chatting, chatting and chatting. we are human beings and that is the way to solve problems.
    Could not constant chatting, chatting, chatting become one of the problems?
    Germinal

    Please correct any mistakes.

  11. #31
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Well, good or bad i have this fascination for foreigners (maybe it´s a characteristic of my malinche roots).

    i had a japanese boyfriend and the only thing that i never couldn´t understand was why the hell he was so slow in replying my messages..but everything else was pretty good, he spoke a little bit of spanish, i speak a little bit of japanese so most of the time we understood pretty well.

    just a funny thing he loved pop music in spanish - which i hate-, and i like so much japanese pop -which he hates-...
    Last edited by Cereth; 27th March 2006 at 11:22 PM. Reason: deleting a word
    日本語の間違い直して下さい!

  12. #32
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Quote Originally Posted by steffiegomez
    My mother is Irish, and father Mexican. Mum still doesn't understand why in Mexico after a party, the "goodbyes" start in the party and continue at the door, finishing by the car. So they take about half hour (after begging the guests not to leave and have a "last drink") Other thing: when someone offers more food at a meal, we say "no thank you very much". The host asks again and again, and same answer. Fifth time: the guest says "ok, just a little bit" Mum used to offer more, and people said no, so sat down, and continued chatting...and Dad had to tell her: offer more than one time please!!
    We, 5 children, have a bit of both and the result I think is a good balance! We have learned to love both countries and cultures. But at the end, I believe Mum has become more Mexican than Dad! She corrects all our spelling mistakes for example, including Dad's!
    Wow, yeah, that is sooooooooo true, I do the same thing, if somebody offers me something when I go somewhere I say no, thank you, I don't even think about it, it's automatic, when I told about it to my now ex-boyfriend (he is American) he couldn't understand me, hehehe... but why do you do that?

  13. #33
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    MOD WARNING: Speaking of chatting, chatting, chatting, this thread is at serious risk of becoming a cross-cultural chat-filled string of fluff.

    If you wish to continue serious (okay - semi-serious) discussion about the joys and pitfalls of having a relationship with someone of another native language and culture, you are welcome to chime in.

    Further chat, even about the use of hyperbole (obvious or otherwise), will be deleted.

    Thank you for your understanding.

    "Sometimes the worst evil is done by good people who do not know that they are not good." - Reinhold Niebuhr

  14. #34
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Thanks, GenJen.

    Perhaps I should have been quite clear about what I was asking about, instead of leaving things so open-ended.

    I was curious about, as GenJen so nicely put it, the joys and pitfalls of an intercultural relationship: potential misunderstandings, what parts of one's culture gets passed onto one's children, relations with the in-laws, subjects or behaviours that are taboo in one culture but not the other, worrying about whether you're more in love with the culture than the person, conflicts with your own family .... a lot of things which could come out of this thread instead of chat.

    Here's one last try at a conversational, informative (and, incidentally non-chatty, non-hyperbolic, and definitely non-confrontational) thread.
    "The trouble with normal is it always gets worse." Bruce Cockburn

  15. #35
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    I'll grab on to the in-laws thing.

    My parents are of the Teutonic/Anglo-Saxon/Whateveryawannacallit style of family relationships. Loving, but distant; caring, but reserved, trying not to 'smother'; when the kids were 18, they got pushed out of the nest. We talk once every week or two, just to keep in touch.

    My in-laws are of the Mexican/Hispanic (from Hispania) style: effusive, affectionate, closely involved; rather than the "empty nest" concept, it's one of a lifelong connection.

    I perceive her parents as warm, and I get along wonderfully with them. She perceives my parents as cold, and... well, let's just say that the visit from her in-laws is a stressful occasion.
    Ignorance --> fear --> anger --> hate --> violence. || Knowledge => tolerance => acceptance => love => peace.

  16. #36
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    to tell you the truth, I have dealt with cultural differences much more easier than cultural similarities.

    You see, it was easier for me (and my ex non-Greek boyfriends) to accept our cultural differences than any of the following

    a) Going over the "no, Greeks/Italians are the most noisy/talk more/love to argue more/have the most choking kind of family"

    b) Convincing a 2nd generation Greek-American that today's Greek-Greeks' culture should be considered Greek


    As for misunderstandings, well, the most common one was them insulting my fellow Greeks because they kept forgetting that showing "Five" with your palm towards the other person and the fingers apart is considered a big insult around here.

    The fact that we like hyperbole doesn't help much either. First time my mother cooked for a foreigner and he didn't go ecstatic for at least 10 minutes about her cooking she was ready to commit murder and told me my boyfriend was rude.

    Oh, and name days (the day set apart for a special commemoration of the saint you are christened after) are a really big thing around here. Forgetting one's name day is a big no-no. This almost invariably passes on to children of mixed marriages (and has been known to cause misunderstandings )
    Last edited by ireney; 30th March 2006 at 6:54 AM.

  17. #37
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Well, there are gobs & gobs of stories that I could mention, but I think that they would all show a common theme (for me, at least). Many times a problem appears to merely stem from language, but we must remember that language is not just language, but involves culture as well.

    Case-in-point: I'm American (oh, don't even get me started on this word-choice/language/culture issue!) and in the US, we often introduce our boyfriends as our "friend" (i.e. "Grandma, this is my friend ________"). It's clear that we mean "boyfriend", but it's almost rude to give all the details of our relationship by saying "boyfriend". However, my Costa Rican boyfriend was extremely offended that I called him my "friend" because in his culture, that would imply that we were either not boyfriend-girlfriend or that I was ashamed to be his girlfriend. After much pouting and hurt feelings, he finally told me why he was upset. I explained to him that in US English, calling him my friend was exactly the same as calling him my boyfriend (in the introduction scenario), and I apologized for making him feel bad. Problem solved. But this kind of thing happens all the time... what fun languages & cultures are!
    Last edited by Chaska Ñawi; 9th June 2006 at 12:42 AM.

  18. #38
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Ohhh...Do not forget the "who takes out the garbage" issue !!!

    At home in Mexico whoever sees the garbage can full takes it out, the first time I took out the garbage my husband was sooo offended. It wasn't a big deal for me but it was for him. Needless to say no matter how full the can is I do not touch it


    P.S. My hubby is American

  19. #39
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Quote Originally Posted by Bilma
    Ohhh...Do not forget the "who takes out the garbage" issue !!!

    At home in Mexico whoever sees the garbage can full takes it out, the first time I took out the garbage my husband was sooo offended. It wasn't a big deal for me but it was for him. Needless to say no matter how full the can is I do not touch it


    P.S. My hubby is American
    Happy you! for Bolivian husbans the only think of home labors they do is to drive you to the supermarket. Women have to do everything (besides working of course)
    América

  20. #40
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    Re: Cross-cultural love

    Quote Originally Posted by América
    Happy you! for Bolivian husbans the only think of home labors they do is to drive you to the supermarket. Women have to do everything (besides working of course)

    Not that different ! That is all he does. He sometimes cooks and sometimes does the dishes but that is all!! Ohh and he mows the yard....women do not mow...you know...

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