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Thread: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

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    All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    This week we heard from Ken Lucas, making some mumbling apologies about some previous rather dopey remarks vaguely linking homosexuals with sexual abuse in the case of Foley (link to google news search, in case you don't know about the perv). Fine. He misspoke. Sure.
    But just an hour ago I heard on National Public Radio's "All Things Considered" the learned comments from one Paul Weyrich (click if you're interested at all what on earth he's all about), where he said that the fact that Foley's a "hoe-moe-seck-shull" (he pronounced it thus) should have sent a warning to anyone, since all homosexuals are preoccupied with sex.
    When the show host warned Weyrich that people might take exception to his statement, Paulie said they could take exception to whatever they liked, since this is a fact known by all psychiatrists and psychologists that have to deal with them.

    I'm interested in finding out if this is a common opinion. I was taken aback, because I thought that the facts showed that all men are preoccupied with sex. I really didn't know only homosexuals were. That must mean I'm homosexual and didn't know it.
    Regardless of my proclivities, I wonder if this is a pseudo-concept that has much acceptance outside the circle of a particular brand of American (the conservative-flavored kind, I mean).
    Please write your opinion on this, and pretty please, with sugar on top, don't go down the road to thread perdition that has happened in other threads, where as soon as someone even mentions the word "gay" people start insulting each other. Please. And thank you.

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    Re: "All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex"?

    I think that Freud et al have been debunked by now.
    I do not know anybody who believes that anybody is preoccupied with sex.
    These type of provocative statements are just used to hide the fact that the speaker has nothing to offer in the way of genuine thought about a subject.
    It is significant that this type of generalisation is not made when a heterosexual person commits a sexual crime.

    .,,

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    Re: "All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex"?

    all men are preoccupied with sex.
    I always thought most people (but not all of anything) were preoccupied by sex, if by preoccupied we mean "think about it, want it, enjoy it, place it high on a list of life's priorities". (Men in general are more receptive to sex in a vacuum than women in general are, but most of my similarly-middle-aged male and female friends in LTRs agree that women have just as much interest in sex, and often more energy for it, then their male companions: BUT THIS IS ANOTHER TOPIC.).


    One real ugliness in the Foley story -- and the one I've been anticipating hearing from precisely that slice of conservative America, and that I believe your quote emphasizes, is the easy equivalence some people make between homosexuality and pedophilia. There is a stubborn and pernicious belief in a certain segment of our society that gay people, having thrown out the traditional rules in one regard, have thrown out the entire playbook. Now that they're having sex with people of the same sex, why wouldn't they have sex with children, animals, vegetables? That ugly belief comes up again and again in the marriage debate.

    Now, like many stereotypes, Mr. Weyrich's remark has a grain of truth. Some strands of gay male culture (particularly pre-AIDS, but alive and well in Chelsea and on the Internet today) are very into emphasizing their obssession with, freedom with, and indulgence in plenty of sex.

    However, most straight men I know, to return to your original point, have always assured me that the sex club/bath house/back room/instant anonymous hook-up scene would be just as popular among straight men as it as among gays, if only women would go along with it. (Here we return to my point about sex in a vacuum -- most women? Not so much.).

    If you believe that there is something different about male sexuality, then I think it is easy to see why, in some cases at least, male sexuality freed from the constraints imposed by female sexuality, is more something, although obsessed isn't the word I would use.

    But Foley's problem -- as I said before -- is that he approached minors who worked for him -- the gender of those minors should be, but sadly will not be, irrelevant.
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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    If I was forced by society to live a lie, and pretend my sexuality was other than it is, I'd be obssessed with it too.

    But probably not as morbidly obsessed as Mr Weyrich and his ilk.
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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    I don't know about obsessed, but there is plenty of evidence that homosexual men tend to have transient relationships and anonymous sex and many more sexual partners than heterosexual men.

    Whereas homosexual women tend to have long-lasting committed relationships.

    There is nothing in hetero culture to compare with gay bathhouse culture, orgy rooms or glory holes.
    Bibo, ergo sum.

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    These assertions may be true, or they may be repeated propaganda from the likes of G.W. Bush and his ilk. I have never seen the "plenty of evidence" that any particular group of men tends "to have more transient relationships and anonymous sex and many more sexual partners...." unless you are talking about heterosexual men under the age of thirty, compared with older men.

    I confess ignorance of gay bathhouse culture, orgy rooms and glory holes. What are these? How do they compare with houses of prostitution, fraternity parties, and other venues where heterosexual males seek transient, anonymous partners?




    Quote Originally Posted by Brioche
    I don't know about obsessed, but there is plenty of evidence that homosexual men tend to have transient relationships and anonymous sex and many more sexual partners than heterosexual men.

    Whereas homosexual women tend to have long-lasting committed relationships.

    There is nothing in hetero culture to compare with gay bathhouse culture, orgy rooms or glory holes.
    That mod mods best that mods least...with apologies to Th. Jefferson.

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daddyo View Post
    I was taken aback, because I thought that the facts showed that all men are preoccupied with sex.
    I disagree. Men aren't preoccupied with sex. They are obsessed. I would say that the same applies to gay men. Why? Because they are men. Are women preoccupied or obsessed with sex? Yes. They just pretend they aren't and call us "unfaithful, lying, dirty-minded pigs" as a cover-up and to deceive us. Same applies to lesbians.

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by cuchuflete View Post
    These assertions may be true,
    ....
    I have never seen the "plenty of evidence" that any particular group of men tends "to have more transient relationships and anonymous sex and many more sexual partners...."

    I confess ignorance of gay bathhouse culture, orgy rooms and glory holes. What are these? How do they compare with houses of prostitution, fraternity parties, and other venues where heterosexual males seek transient, anonymous partners?
    If you haven't see any evidence, it may be because you haven't looked.

    You say yourself that you are ignorant of bathhouse culture, orgy rooms or glory holes. A good place to start is "Gay Bathhouse" at Wikipedia.
    Not quite the same as a frat house party.

    According to The Journal of Sex Research referring to the situation in the 1970s: The director of the New York City Department of Health describes the situation as follows:
    By their own reports, many men had large numbers of sexual partners annually, often numbering in the hundreds and even in the thousands.

    One anti-gay site NARTH quotes a 1994 study by Laumann, Gagnon, Michael & Michaels which reported that gay/bisexual men average 42.8 sexual partners during their lives, compared to 16.5 for heterosexual males.
    Bibo, ergo sum.

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Brioche
    If you haven't see any evidence, it may be because you haven't looked. That is absolutely correct. I cannot imagine why anyone would want to keep track of other peoples' sexual practices.

    You say yourself that you are ignorant of bathhouse culture, orgy rooms or glory holes. A good place to start is "Gay Bathhouse" at Wikipedia.
    Not quite the same as a frat house party. I don't know which
    of these you may have frequented, but I've been to a few frat house parties, and random, transient, anonymous sex is not at all unusual.

    According to The Journal of Sex Research referring to the situation in the 1970s: The director of the New York City Department of Health describes the situation as follows:
    By their own reports, many men had large numbers of sexual partners annually, often numbering in the hundreds and even in the thousands.
    Do you have some reason to believe that the practices of the 1970s, when most gay men were still living in a secret or private sub-culture, are common today, when fewer people are fired from their jobs or otherwise persecuted for being homosexual? Many professional basketball players brag about the number of 'sexual conquests' they have had. Should we conclude that playing basketball is an indicator of sexual activity?
    One anti-gay site NARTH quotes a 1994 study by Laumann, Gagnon, Michael & Michaels which reported that gay/bisexual men average 42.8 sexual partners during their lives, compared to 16.5 for heterosexual males.
    There is an implication in your earlier post that attendence at bathhouses, glory holes, and orgy rooms is typical for all or most male homosexuals. Do you believe that it is?

    The article you cite at NARTH includes the following, which doesn't match up very well with the 1994 study:

    A recent study published in the July, 2003, issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ... found support for a universal theme: men tend to seek sexual variety, while women tend to seek long-term sexual relationships (Schmitt, 2003).
    The study found that 25.4% of heterosexual men and 29.1% of homosexual men endorsed this desire [...
    wanting more than one sexual partner in the next month]. This suggests that the real social challenge is how to civilize male sexuality as a whole, rather than homosexual practice per se.
    That mod mods best that mods least...with apologies to Th. Jefferson.

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daddyo View Post
    I'm interested in finding out if this is a common opinion.
    Your findings will depend on where you look. If you have about 6 minutes and a place where you can laugh out loud without disturbing anyone, watch this clip. The "doctor" (espec. from about 1 to about 2.5 minutes in) espouses the opinion in the thread title ... an opinion's validity confirmed by the endorsement of a fool.
    That's an L (Lsp)

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daddyo View Post
    I'm interested in finding out if this is a common opinion. I was taken aback, because I thought that the facts showed that all men are preoccupied with sex. I really didn't know only homosexuals were. That must mean I'm homosexual and didn't know it.
    Regardless of my proclivities, I wonder if this is a pseudo-concept that has much acceptance outside the circle of a particular brand of American (the conservative-flavored kind, I mean).
    Please write your opinion on this, and pretty please, with sugar on top, don't go down the road to thread perdition that has happened in other threads, where as soon as someone even mentions the word "gay" people start insulting each other. Please. And thank you.
    It has been my observation that yes, they are preoccupied with it, both men and those of the homosexual persuasion.

    That being said, that is purely my observation and I know many in both categories, who are the exception proving the general rule (in the sense of testing the rule.)
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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    I'm only preoccupied with sex when I'm horny. Any other time, there would be a thousand things I could be thinking about.

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    You say yourself that you are ignorant of bathhouse culture, orgy rooms or glory holes. A good place to start is "Gay Bathhouse" at Wikipedia.
    Not quite the same as a frat house party. I don't know which
    of these you may have frequented, but I've been to a few frat house parties, and random, transient, anonymous sex is not at all unusual.


    I can't say I've ever heard of many frat house parties where the young ladies pay to get in, promptly strip off and hop straight into bed without even a liquid refreshment.


    Bibo, ergo sum.

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    Re: "All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex"?

    Quote Originally Posted by .,, View Post
    I do not know anybody who believes that anybody is preoccupied with sex.
    .,,
    Well, you don't know me so your claim is reasonably accurate. If we met, would you change your mind? The only people I know who aren't preoccupied with sex are individuals suffering from major depression.

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Brioche View Post
    I don't know about obsessed, but there is plenty of evidence that homosexual men tend to have transient relationships and anonymous sex and many more sexual partners than heterosexual men.

    Whereas homosexual women tend to have long-lasting committed relationships.

    There is nothing in hetero culture to compare with gay bathhouse culture, orgy rooms or glory holes.
    Talk about stereotypes! Three in a row!

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsoman View Post
    I'm only preoccupied with sex when I'm horny. Any other time, there would be a thousand things I could be thinking about.
    Like... sex, right? Thank you for your candor. I'm not sure about your sexual orientation but I'm sure that you're not attempting to answer the main question posed by this thread.

    The question "All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?" can't be taken seriously. It's homophobic in nature and also attempts to cement prejudices about gays and lesbians. I'm not gay but I have many gay and lesbian friends. I'll ask them tomorrow this question. I already know what one of my friends will say: "Oh yeah baby!"

    Gay and lesbians are just like straight people. A bed isn't the only piece of furniture they own or use.

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Everness View Post
    Like... sex, right? Thank you for your candor. I'm not sure about your sexual orientation but I'm sure that you're not attempting to answer the main question posed by this thread.

    The question "All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?" can't be taken seriously. It's homophobic in nature and also attempts to cement prejudices about gays and lesbians. I'm not gay but I have many gay and lesbian friends. I'll ask them tomorrow this question. I already know what one of my friends will say: "Oh yeah baby!"

    Gay and lesbians are just like straight people. A bed isn't the only piece of furniture they own or use.
    No, I'm not gay but neither am I overly masculine.

    Are gays obsessed with sex? I can't really answer that question.

    But the one gay guy I have been close friends with definitely was obsessed with sex, more than any strait man I've met. he talked about it all the time and urged me to go out and have sex with multiple people

    he was a lot of fun

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    recent study published in the July, 2003, issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ... found support for a universal theme: men tend to seek sexual variety, while women tend to seek long-term sexual relationships (Schmitt, 2003).
    Exactly my point. Is it being gay or is it being male that's the issue?

    Most of the gay men I know have at one point or another in their lives enjoyed the panoply of sexual opportunities that a city like New York affords gay men. Several are in committed, loving long-term relationships where sexual fidelity is not a baseline for the relationship -- emotional fidelity and loyalty is. Such an arrangement is almost untenable in most heterosexual circles, but is not that unsusual in urban gay life. Most of the unattached gay men I know are looking for love, but independently look for sex, and don't see a need to forgo the latter until they find the former. (Heterosexual dating relationships tend to at least pretend that love is the ultimate goal).

    Most of the straight men I know well enough to discuss such matters with have expressed envy at the ease with which gay culture allows those gay men who want it to negotiate no strings-attached sex.

    I firmly believe that if large numbers of women frequented bathhouses, club backrooms and places like the Meat Rack on Fire Island, and if their female love interests did not regard such activities as the ultimate betrayal, straight men would avail themselves of these opportunities to the same extent that gay men do -- in other words, many but not all would.

    The fact of the matter is, though, that women don't, and despite all the articles in Cosmo and the like to the effect that women are the new men, I doubt that they will anytime soon.

    Whether it's hardwiring, or ingrained cultural teaching, male and female sexuality has different impulses. Thus a male-squared interaction may easily seem more "sexually preoccupied" than one that has a woman and man in it, or two women in it, but I will have to see more than anti-gay websites to convince me that it is the gayness, and not the maleness, that makes it that way.
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    Re: "All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Everness View Post
    Well, you don't know me so your claim is reasonably accurate. If we met, would you change your mind? The only people I know who aren't preoccupied with sex are individuals suffering from major depression.
    If we met, thank God for the tyranny of distance, I would only be able to judge you on what you claimed was true and I have utterly no method to verify the veracity of whatever you say.
    This is the case with all matters pertaining to personal preference. Surveys and studies rely on the participants being truthful and I suspect that not all people are truthful about matters of sexuality. This is even more the case when dealing with matters of sexuality where the sexuality being discussed is the subject of phobic reaction.

    .,,

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    Re: All homosexuals are preoccupied with sex?

    I cannot claim to "know" for sure about the differences between hetero- and homosexual approaches to sex as a participatory sport. I don't even know that many homosexual people, nor can I claim that "my closests and bestests" friends are homosexual, so I have no personal reference here. But I do have some friends living in the same social situation I'm at (married, with children) and I know for a fact that I am often preocuppied with sex, and so are my fellow mortgage-slaves. We obsess over what we did get, what we could have gotten, and all we'll never get (which, sadly, in my case, seems to be listed here in increasing order: from smallest amount to greatest amount).

    In Mexico we did have a bit of a fundamentalist point of view. There were no "slightly bad" or "not quite good" things: it was good or evil. No middle ground. So, if anyone was perceived to be stepping out of the true and narrow, then we would assume they were likely to do anything, anything at all! Crime! Depravities! Cruelty to animals! Voting for Independent! World without end, his wonders to perform!
    Or so it seemed to me, when I was a small child.

    [Back from La-la Land]

    I just find it preposterous that anyone could make such a broad assertion like that: all gay men are preoccupied with sex and that's why Foley is such a perverted dickwad, because he's gay. It's a fact, they said.
    Yeah. Right.

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