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Discussion in 'English Only' started by westwind, Jun 21, 2013.

  1. westwind Senior Member

    Chinese
    The diameter of the usual opening is 8 to 16 m, and the largest 18 m, while that of the bottom is 4 to 12 m. The usual depth of the pit is 5 to 7 m and the deepest is 11.7 m. (self-made)

    Although the largest is 18 m, the diameter of the usual opening is 8 to 16 m, and that of the bottom is 4 to 12. The usual depth of the pit is 5 to 7 m and the deepest is 11.7 m.

    Although the largest is 18 m, the diameter of the usual opening is 8 to 16 m, while that of the bottom is 4 to 12. The usual depth of the pit is 5 to 7 m and the deepest is 11.7 m.

    Could you tell me which version works better. In the first, the 'the largest 18 m' seems obtruding, in the second and the third. 'Although' seems has nothing to do with 'and' and 'while.' But I have to retain the 'the largest 18 m' in my sentence? Could you give me any suggestions? Thanks in advance.
     
  2. Keith Bradford

    Keith Bradford Senior Member

    Brittany, NW France
    English (Midlands UK)
    The first. There's not enough opposition in the ideas to justify 'although'.
     
  3. panjandrum

    panjandrum PongoMod

    Belfast, Ireland
    English-Ireland (top end)
    It seems to me that you are talking about three quite distinct measurements here:
    - The diameter of the opening;
    - The diameter of the bottom (of the pit, I assume);
    - The depth of the pit.
    I suggest that you address each of these in its own sentence (as you have done with the depth of the pit) and avoid trying to link comments about the opening diameter and the bottom diameter with 'while' or 'although'.
     

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