including

Discussion in 'English Only' started by westwind, Jul 30, 2013.

  1. westwind Senior Member

    Chinese
    Central America is home to many secret treasures for tourists who like to avoid the crowds, including numerous ancient Maya settlements.
    The above sentence is taken from an article called Maya: Away from Crowds. I feel the 'including' phrase is a little far from the 'treasures'. I think it might be changed to : For tourists who like to avoid the crowds, central America is home to many secret treasures, including numerous ancient Maya settlements. Is my rewrite better? Thank you in advance?
     
  2. lucas-sp Senior Member

    English - Californian
    The original sentence works fine, because "secret treasures for tourists who like to avoid the crowds" reads as one noun phrase.

    So your re-write changes the meaning a little bit. However, both sentences are perfectly acceptable in English.
     
  3. sdgraham

    sdgraham Senior Member

    Oregon, USA
    USA English
    As a side note, the sentence is nonsense. If the treasures are indeed secret, nobody is going to find them.
     
  4. lucas-sp Senior Member

    English - Californian
    sd, I think that secrets have indeed been discovered in the past, and will probably continue to be discovered in the future.

    Besides that, hyperbole is a common feature of rhetoric in English as well as other languages. I see nothing particularly objectionable about this one particular use of excited advertising jargon.
     
  5. Parla Senior Member

    New York City
    English - US
    To me, the rewrite is a definite improvement over the original sentence, since the original suggests that the crowds include ancient Maya settlements.
     
  6. Thomas Tompion Senior Member

    Southwest France
    English - England
    I agree with Parla in preferring the rewrite.
     
  7. boozer Senior Member

    Bulgaria
    Bulgarian
    Yes, the re-write is an improvement, although the original is easy enough to follow. Always seeking the ambiguity for fun, I would probably not fail to see it here, but not because it is blatant or anything. :)
     
  8. e2efour Senior Member

    England (aged 73)
    UK English
    Your rewrite is much better.
     
  9. westwind Senior Member

    Chinese
    Thank you for the confirmation. Thank you all.
     

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