Look at that fire Which is burning in me!

Discussion in '日本語 (Japanese)' started by soldierftl, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. soldierftl Junior Member

    Marseille, France
    Français
    Hi everybody,


    I'm looking for some help to translate some English hiaku I wrote (it's bad, but since I have to translate it, does not matter ^^) into Japanese hiaku! I have vocabulary, but I'm asking you to turn it out more poetically if you can (and tell me if it's correct)! Thanks in advance for your help.

    Ouch, ouch,
    Look at that fire
    Which is burning in me!

    (Sorry, I'm French so I wrote it in French xD)

    Itai, itai,
    Kono kasai wo mitte :
    Watashi no naka de moete iru

    (Of course I'm going to write it with kanjis in the end ^^)
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2012
  2. frequency

    frequency Senior Member

    Tokyo, Japan
    Japanese
    Is this haiku something like 'Baby, I'm on fire for you'?

    Unfortunately, kasai is about fire accident. I recommend you honoo. And modify mitte to mite. That's all. Ah no, you don't need colon : !
     
  3. soldierftl Junior Member

    Marseille, France
    Français
    Okay, thank you very much !
    Yes it was about some girl I'm in love with :)
     
  4. frequency

    frequency Senior Member

    Tokyo, Japan
    Japanese
    Really! Then, let's do more cool.
    Itai, itai
    Kono honoo wo mitekure
    Ore no naka de moeteiru

    They all are effects to sound it mannish like lyrics in the rock music.
     
  5. soldierftl Junior Member

    Marseille, France
    Français
    Indeed, it is better ! :) I did not know for "mitekure", what is this ending? -kure
    Thank you again
     
  6. frequency

    frequency Senior Member

    Tokyo, Japan
    Japanese
    When you ask, urge somebody strongly. 'Hey, look at my fire inside!'
     

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