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my maid is armed with throwing knives

Discussion in '日本語 (Japanese)' started by Tanuki, May 28, 2013.

  1. Tanuki Junior Member

    Süddeutschland
    Deutschland, (Deutsch)
    I am planning to put this on a t-shirt:

    This image...[ d-stage_2900162700016.jpg ]...followed by a "warning sign", together with this text:
    警告:俺のメイドは手裏剣を用います


    The depicted character is 十六夜 咲夜 (some explanatory images) and the intended gag is "Warning: my maid carries throwing knives." The underlying meaning is supposed to be something like: "I am under the protection of my maid, who is armed and dangerous." Truth is, I'm not a total stranger to the Japanese language. But before I print this, I really want some native speaker to look at the text.

    Is this the right form for a warning sign text?
    Is the meaning ok?
    Are the Kanji right?
    Should I use a different verb?
    How would you phrase this?
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2013
  2. animelover Senior Member

    Eastern Germany
    Deutsch
    If you want it to sound and look impressive, just say


    无慙无愧的狂悖暴戻:守護俺助担当冥途、手裡劍爪着完了。敵対勢力應戦、木端微塵一轍迄殲滅続行。反撥次第肝脳塗地。


    (解説: 俺助 = [俺への]援助 ; 冥途 = メイド ; 爪着 = [爪に]装着)

    Or if you want sth. shorter
    断崖絶壁之四面楚歌:吾が冥途、爪刃(ソウジン)装着せり。
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2013
  3. Tonky Senior Member

    Japanese
    I think it sounds good enough, but I may choose to say 「俺のメイドは手裏剣使い」 (end with a noun and remove the "。". ~使い means ~user.)
     
  4. Arui Kashiwagi Senior Member

    Just one thing - 手裏剣 shuriken is a ninja's signature weapon, not ordinary throwing knives that she wields in the pics. I'm sure she is not a ninja :)
    I recommend you stick with "投げナイフ", or more simply, "ナイフ". I personally prefer the simplest one.

    Aside from that, your translation seems quite good to me. Some may prefer "使います" to "用います" because "使います" is slightly more common in a daily conversation, but some may not care at all. It's just a matter of taste and either will work fine.
    The form of the sentence also looks proper. As the structure "~ は ~ を 用います(使います)" is very basic, it can easily fall into a machine-translator-like expression if overused - But in this context it fits well as a warning sign text, yet still conveys some sense of humor thanks to "俺の".

    To animelover:
    No offense, but I think you're making things unnecessarily complicated.
     

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