a beast, not human

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quietdandelion

Banned
Formosa/Chinese
1. He even regarded his girlfriend as a beast, not human. After this incident, Luffy understood that inside is more important than outside.

2. He even regarded his girlfriend as a beast, not a human. After this incident, Luffy understood that inner beauty is more important than physical beauty.


Does sentence 2. sound any better than 1.? If not, how should I change it for the better? Thanks.
 
  • Moogle

    Member
    Canada / English / French / Vietnamese
    The second sentence makes more sense. However, here is my suggestion!

    He even regarded his girlfriend as a beast rather than a human. After this incident, Luffy now understood that the beauty inside of someone could outweigh their appearance.

    Still though, I have some doubts about the first part of the "sentence" so to speak. To me, the first part seems like a sentence fragment and you should consider revising it.
    To make it more complete, this is my second suggestion:

    ____ <-- Name here (since we don't know who you're talking about) even regarded his very own girlfriend as a beast rather than a full fledged human. After what had happened, Luffy now understood that the beauty inside of someone could outweigh their appearance.
     
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