“Bro, it would be an honour and a pleasure,” he says. “Not to mention a huge asset to my career credentials if and when we win this thing.” The sentence proceeding "says" is not grammatically standalone, yet I feel a distinct pause and hear an inflection of tone in the dialogue between "pleasure" and "Not" that I don't think would be achieved by writing it as a subordinate clause. So is it okay that I'm not connecting it to "says" with a comma, as if both sentences were really just one long sentence, holding the second half (beginning with "not") to being a dependent clause, like so? “Bro, it would be an honour and a pleasure,” he says, “not to mention a huge asset to my career credentials if and when we win this thing.” It seems too connected to me that way, given what I want it to sound like. Thanks.