a flight <redirected earlier / which was earlier redirected>

< Previous | Next >

trellian

New Member
Bulgarian
Do you think that the style of the second sentence is better, less clumsy:

"The Boeing 737 operated by Omega Airlines, on a regular flight from Santo Domingo to Dakar, which was earlier redirected to the airport of Ziguinchor due to unfavorable weather conditions – severe winds and sand storms – exploded at 3:45 this morning, while still in the air, at an altitude of 400 meters, several miles from the runway of Senegal’s second largest city."

or

"The Boeing 737 operated by Omega Airlines, on a regular flight from Santo Domingo to Dakar, redirected earlier to the airport of Ziguinchor due to unfavorable weather conditions – severe winds and sand storms – exploded at 3:45 this morning, while still in the air, at an altitude of 400 meters, several miles from the runway of Senegal’s second largest city."
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    The second sentence still doesn't look right to me, but I suppose "redirected earlier" might be a little smoother than the obtrusive "which was earlier redirected". There is still far too much distance between the plane and what it does.

    I know some news writers favor convoluted sentences, but this ridiculous sentence has fifty-nine words. That means that a lot of people won't be able to read and understand it well. Where is the advantage in that?
     

    trellian

    New Member
    Bulgarian
    In Bulgarian this sentence looks fine, easy to read and follow.
    But translated it becomes too clumsy, I'll consider splitting it.
    Thanks so much for your answer.
     
    < Previous | Next >
    Top