a long sky of loneliness may shed/flow in through the window

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arueng

Senior Member
CHINESE
In a small town with bluestone streets, lives my mistress,
and I leave her nothing but a furrow of marigolds and a high window.
Perhaps, a long sky of loneliness may shed/flow in through the window ...
And perhaps, the marigolds are good at waiting.
I guess, loneliness and waiting are good for a woman.
Thus, whenever I go there, I always wear a blue shirt.
I want her to sense it's the season or the coming back of a migrating bird
because I'm not the kind of man that comes home often.


Hi,
I made the above English rendition from a Chinese poem to practice my English. Is it better to use shed or flow in the context? Thanks.
 
  • A.F.Ferri

    Member
    English - British
    Shed, implies to fall or drop off of something. The sky could shed loneliness into the window. The point is that the sky cannot shed itself, it would need to be shed or to shed something. If I were to shed myself through a window for instance, I believe that would involve me leaving my body behind on the other side.
     

    owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    I agree with AF Ferri. Your sky can do many things as it comes through the window: it can cast/shed its light through the window; it can pass or creep or glow through our window. It can't really shed through the window. Cats shed hair, and discussions can shed some light on problems, but skies really shouldn't try to shed through windows:)
     

    arueng

    Senior Member
    CHINESE
    Shed, implies to fall or drop off of something. The sky could shed loneliness into the window. The point is that the sky cannot shed itself, it would need to be shed or to shed something. If I were to shed myself through a window for instance, I believe that would involve me leaving my body behind on the other side.
    Thanks, Ferri, for the clear explanation.

    By the way, if I reword the line a bit, can I keep the word shed?

    Perhaps, a long blue sky may shed some loneliness in through that window.
     

    arueng

    Senior Member
    CHINESE
    I agree with AF Ferri. Your sky can do many things as it comes through the window: it can cast/shed its light through the window; it can pass or creep or glow through our window. It can't really shed through the window. Cats shed hair, and discussions can shed some light on problems, but skies really shouldn't try to shed through windows:)
    Thanks, Mr Owl.

    Roger!

    By the way, what do you think this rewrite?

    Perhaps, a long blue sky may shed some loneliness in through that window.
     

    owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    I think it sounds just fine. Now that sky is shedding something, which makes sense. I'd be tempted to say something like "the sky is casting/beaming/sending loneliness through the window".
     

    arueng

    Senior Member
    CHINESE
    I think it sounds just fine. Now that sky is shedding something, which makes sense. I'd be tempted to say something like "the sky is casting/beaming/sending loneliness through the window".
    Thanks, Mr Owl, for the three adorable alternate words.

    I'll commit them to heart.
     
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