a new step in my career <, with the aim to work / :working / :to work> with a team

Discussion in 'English Only' started by Graphic_Designer, Jul 5, 2014.

  1. Graphic_Designer

    Graphic_Designer New Member

    London
    Italian
    Hi guys,
    I'm an Italian designer and I'm writing my covering letter for a Design Company in UK.
    I have some doubts about some sentences, what do you think?

    The first doubt is about this sentence.
    Which one is the best? I think the second one, but I am not sure.

    1) I am a visual designer recently moved to London, and I am now considering a new step in my career,
    with the aim to work with an amazing and international team to create extraordinary design projects.

    2) I am a visual designer recently moved to London, and I am now considering a new step in my career:
    working with an amazing team to create extraordinary design projects.

    3) I am a visual designer recently moved to London, and I am now considering a new step in my career:
    to work with an amazing team to create extraordinary design projects.

    << -- second question here -- >>

    Thank you!
    Cris

    <<< ----------- See Rule#2 ----------- >>>
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2014
  2. LesStrater Senior Member

    Chicago
    English - American
    I don't like any of the three because by saying you are considering a new step, you are calling attention to the fact that you have no experience. You're throwing a negative out there before they even get to the resume.
    I would change it to: "I am a visual designer who has recently relocated to London. I am seeking employment in a position where I can join an amazing team to create extraordinary design projects."
     
  3. Graphic_Designer

    Graphic_Designer New Member

    London
    Italian
    Thank you LesStrater for the precious advice.
    But I have a question: why did you change "I am a visual designer recently moved to London" in "I am a visual designer who has recently relocated to London".
    Is the first sentence incorrect?

    Thanks
     
  4. Wordnip Senior Member

    Western Australia
    British English
    Except for the word 'relocated', I like LesStrater's "I am a visual designer who has recently relocated to London". Why not, "I am a visual designer who has recently moved to London"?
     
  5. Parla Member Emeritus

    New York City
    English - US
    Welcome to the forum. :)

    If you're a graphic designer, why not say so? ("Visual" covers all sorts of design: graphic, fashion, auto, package, architectural, etc.)

    To answer your question: I think whatever wording you use for the "work with" part of the sentence, you have a problem with the "considering a new step" phrase; that sounds as if either you're undecided about looking for a job, or that you're in the position of choosing whom to work for. You're apparently asking for a job, so it's your prospective employer who'll be considering you. I think perhaps you want to say that you have recently moved to London and are hoping to work with a distinguished British design team.
     
  6. Graphic_Designer

    Graphic_Designer New Member

    London
    Italian
    Thank you Parla.
    I've chosen graphic designer because in their advert they are looking for a graphic designer :).
    Visual Designer is OK, but I change the cover letter for each employer (according to their needs and to what they say in the advert).

    Regarding my question: Yes, that's exactly what I want to say.
    I'm hoping to work with a distinguished British design team.

    Actually, I liked a lot the "new step sentence": I've been awarded with an important Design Award 2 months ago and this is the reason why I relocate to London.
    I'd like to give (to my prospective employer) the idea that I'm ready for a new challenge and a new job.
    But probably "a new step" it's not the correct word :)
     
  7. Parla Member Emeritus

    New York City
    English - US
    You didn't. Your text in post #1 said "visual designer". I suggested that you use graphic designer.
     
  8. Graphic_Designer

    Graphic_Designer New Member

    London
    Italian
    Sorry, I meant visual designer.

    Well, I have two sentences, but they don't sound good, I'm not sure.
    What do you think?


    1) I am an award winning visual designer who has recently moved to London, and I am seeking employment in a position where I can join an amazing team to create extraordinary design projects.

    2) I am an award winning visual designer who has recently moved to London, and I am looking for a position where I can join an amazing team to create extraordinary design projects.
     

Share This Page

Loading...