Americanization of the new model celebration

Discussion in 'English Only' started by bluelights, Nov 16, 2016.

  1. bluelights

    bluelights Senior Member

    "Castellano, Argentina"
    Hello!

    I have this sentence I'm working with and I'm following a pattern to tell things, you'll see, but I'm in doubt about the last bit, of whether I should hyphenate it all and make it one big adjective, or if I should just rephrase it making use of 'of...'.

    A blur, that's what she'd call it. First it was the welcome ritual, soon after the first-runaway show ceremony, finally the Americanization of the new fresh-faced black model celebration. Fame got to your head way more easily than it bubbles down, if ever.

    Should I use quoting marks maybe, say: " the Americanization of the new fresh-faced black model" celebration? Or is it okay as it is?

    I'm looking forward to reading your answers!
     
  2. Sparky Malarky

    Sparky Malarky Moderator

    Indiana
    English - US
    Goodness! Where did you find this mess of a sentence? What in the world is a "first-runaway show ceremony"? A ceremony to celebrate a show about the first person who ran away?

    What are you trying to say?
     
  3. Copyright

    Copyright Senior Member

    Penang
    American English
    What I might do:

    A blur, that's what she'd call it. First, it was the welcome ritual. Soon after, the first runway show ceremony. Finally, the "Americanization of the new fresh-faced black model" celebration.

    As for "Fame got to your head way more easily than it bubbles down, if ever," that doesn't mean anything to me.

    Edit: Correcting "runway" – thanks, Keith.
     
  4. Keith Bradford

    Keith Bradford Senior Member

    Brittany, NW France
    English (Midlands UK)
    A. It's not clear to me what the Americanization of the ... celebration means. Did they take an existing celebration and repeat it with US flags in the background? Or with a Souza march playing?

    B. The new fresh-faced black model celebration is equally strange. Is there a special celebration for such models (different from the celebration of a mature white model)?

    Of course, you meant runway (= fashion catwalk) and not runaway (= fugitive).
     
  5. bluelights

    bluelights Senior Member

    "Castellano, Argentina"
    Ha! Yes, I suspected that! I was just trying to list things, I guess? No I meant the catwalk, you know? The place models walk down to show off their clothes.
    Okay, so it works best if I break them down! Advice taken!

    It's a story about a model scout that specializes in picking poor but eye-catching black young girls from Africa, that barely speak any English and then exploits them to his will. Therefore, I'm listing things as if they were common because to him, they are. She's neither the first nor the last one.

    And, yes! I meant runway indeed!
     
  6. Has there been another confusion of words here? Instead of "celebration" (a joyous festival) do you mean "celebrity" (a famous person)?
     
  7. Copyright

    Copyright Senior Member

    Penang
    American English
    With "ritual" and "ceremony" at the ends of two sentences (post 3), I think "celebration" makes sense.
     
  8. bluelights

    bluelights Senior Member

    "Castellano, Argentina"
    Yes, I meant it like a party!
     

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