appreciation for something became even greater as a result of

marcbatco

Senior Member
Italian-Italy
Hi, I would like to please ask you if the expressions in bold is correct in the following:
Jane believes that X Inc. is the ideal place to achieve her professional goals, as a result of the bank’s extensive industry expertise and geographical diversification. Her appreciation for X Inc. became even greater as a result of a conversation with with one of the company's representatives at her university career fair.
 
  • owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    Hi. I recommend that you replace the bold version of "as a result of" with "after". You've already used "as a result of" earlier in the paragraph, and it would be a good idea to avoid repeating it in the same paragraph. "After" will be shorter and will have the same meaning: Her appreciation for X became even greater after a conversation...
     

    marcbatco

    Senior Member
    Italian-Italy
    Hi. I recommend that you replace the bold version of "as a result of" with "after". You've already used "as a result of" earlier in the paragraph, and it would be a good idea to avoid repeating it in the same paragraph. "After" will be shorter and will have the same meaning: Her appreciation for X became even greater after a conversation...
    Hi owlman5, and thank you for your reply. What do you think about replacing became even greater with increased significantly as follows: Her appreciation for X Inc. increased significantly after a conversation ...?
     

    owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    "Her appreciation increased significantly" means the same thing, but it doesn't sound much like anything an ordinary person would say, marc.

    If you want to sound like somebody who gets most of his English from academic journals about physics, then it's an option. If you don't want that effect, I recommend that you leave "became even greater" alone.
     
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