Cheers of vengeance

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insol

Member
Spanish - Argentina
The sentence is: "Cheers of joy and vengeance burst outside."

Does the presence of "vengeance" there sound unnatural to you?
The characters are celebrating that one of them killed an enemy's dog. Never mind that is an odd collocation, how does it strike you?
 
  • insol

    Member
    Spanish - Argentina
    Hum, the thing is that the choice of burst wasn't meant to be idiomatic but metaphoric, as in literary style. But now that you mention it, there might be too many odd collocations, right? That is a problem.

    This happens when you're a creative person but not a native speaker: there are bursts of doubt all the time (?) :p
     

    insol

    Member
    Spanish - Argentina
    I didn't want to use "went up" because it gave me the idea that it was progressive and I wanted to show that it was sudden, loud and at the same time. Any ideas? Thank you!
     

    pops91710

    Senior Member
    English, AE
    Even metaphorically it isn't right. Cheers don't burst, the rise up, and that does not mean it is a progressive thing at all. It means suddenly. If not rose up, the say arose from outside.
     

    lingobingo

    Senior Member
    English - England
    You could use erupted. But it reads ambiguously, as meaning either “cheers of joy and [of] vengeance” or (a) cheers of joy and (b) vengeance — neither of which works anyway.
     

    insol

    Member
    Spanish - Argentina
    What about "Vengeful cheers go up outside"? I mean, "cheers" imply joy already, right?
     

    lingobingo

    Senior Member
    English - England
    Still not good, sorry. Why not keep what was good and only change what was not: Both cheers of joy and cries of vengeance rose up outside.
     
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