I wouldn't lean towards a sharp eye -- here I think vision refers to the grand view, perhaps imagination, rather than eyesight.
From the WR dictionary: clatter: a loud rattling sound as of hard objects falling or striking each other.
Perhaps the editor's vision was raucous enough to get the author's attention so that she actually followed the editor's advice. (Usually I read these sorts of things, stifle a yawn, and move on without flexing too many brain cells. I think of it as the author talking to herself -- or being too clever by half.)