comma before 'while' [conjunction]: reported that, while he robbed
- Thread starter amf144
- Start date
I don't agree. I think you should remove the comma. I don't like the sentence in general. It should be something ike "the journalist reported that the criminal made everyone kneel down while he robbed the bank" but that seems to have an indefinite antecedent (who is "he" - you can't rule out the journalist), so it isn't that great a sentence either. Maybe "The joournalist reported that during the bank robbery the criminal made everyone kneel down."
But returning to the comma, I don't think it should be there.
But returning to the comma, I don't think it should be there.
Dimcl
Senior Member
Canadian English
Yes, the commas need to be there. Xr400ed's rule of thumb is correct - if you can remove the phrase inside the commas and have the sentence still be correct and mean the same thing, then the commas are required.
Forero
Senior Member
USA English
I presume the criminal made everyone kneel down before he started robbing the bank, so I think the while clause is supposed to modify kneel down, not made. Therefore, I would put the while clause closer to kneel down than to made:
The journalist reported that the criminal made everyone kneel down while he robbed the bank.
With commas, the while clause would modify the made clause. Commas reflect the way the sentence would be spoken, with the while clause as a kind of "aside".
The journalist reported that the criminal made everyone kneel down while he robbed the bank.
With commas, the while clause would modify the made clause. Commas reflect the way the sentence would be spoken, with the while clause as a kind of "aside".
losilmer
Senior Member
Spanish
amf144's sentence is confusing. "He" could also refer to the journalist.
I would say:
The journalist reported that the criminal, while robbing the bank, made everyone kneel down.
I would say:
The journalist reported that the criminal, while robbing the bank, made everyone kneel down.
Forero
Senior Member
USA English
I almost suggested what Losilmer just said, but then I would want to change "made" to "kept making".
In my mind, the criminal had everyone kneel down first, with the intention that they should continuing kneeling until further notice, then as he robbed the bank, he may have "spot checked" whether or not they were still kneeling down.
Losilmer's sentence means that the criminal was robbing the bank and then made everyone kneel down, perhaps more than once during the robbery.
The original sentence is more ambiguous but says practically the same thing as Losilmer's sentence. Removing a comma or two does not help.
The commas improve readability. The phrase in question fits more naturally after "the criminal" than before it, but in that position the comma is needed so as not to suggest that the criminal was only a criminal while robbing the bank.
In my mind, the criminal had everyone kneel down first, with the intention that they should continuing kneeling until further notice, then as he robbed the bank, he may have "spot checked" whether or not they were still kneeling down.
Losilmer's sentence means that the criminal was robbing the bank and then made everyone kneel down, perhaps more than once during the robbery.
The original sentence is more ambiguous but says practically the same thing as Losilmer's sentence. Removing a comma or two does not help.
The commas improve readability. The phrase in question fits more naturally after "the criminal" than before it, but in that position the comma is needed so as not to suggest that the criminal was only a criminal while robbing the bank.
I still think the comma is incorrect. An equivalent sentence would be
The journalists reported that when the criminal robbed the bank he made everyone kneel down.
and you would not put a comma after "that" in that sentence.
To me a comma before "while" is starting to shade over into the somewhat incorrect use of "while" to mean "although" (While he robbed the bank, the criminal was not really dangerous).
The journalists reported that when the criminal robbed the bank he made everyone kneel down.
and you would not put a comma after "that" in that sentence.
To me a comma before "while" is starting to shade over into the somewhat incorrect use of "while" to mean "although" (While he robbed the bank, the criminal was not really dangerous).