comma or period in list: In customer service. As a support worker.

H

HelloImAPersonJustLikeYou

New Member
British English
Im helping a friend with cover letter to apply for a job. Does this paragraph have correct punctuation with fullstops or should we be using commas for what is a list? thanks:)

In brief since achieving an AVCE in Business Studies I have worked in various roles. In customer service at supervisory level. As a community support worker for a large agency. On a voluntary basis as an advisor and social policy worker at the Citizens Advice Bureau. In a busy Accident & Emergency department for over 5 years and as an Appointments Officer within the District Hospital for over 6 years.
 
    • Hello, ImAPerson - welcome to the forums:)

    I wouldn't separate your "chunks" with full stops, myself: they're not complete sentences.

    Instead, I would do one of two things:
    (a) use a colon after "roles", and then separate the "chunks" with commas:
    In brief, since achieving an AVCE in Business Studies I have worked in various roles: in customer service at supervisory level, as a community support worker for a large agency, on a voluntary basis as an advisor and social policy worker at the Citizens Advice Bureau, in a busy Accident & Emergency department for over 5 years and as an Appointments Officer within the District Hospital for over 6 years.

    (b) turn the "chunks" into bullets, again introduced by a colon:
    In brief, since achieving an AVCE in Business Studies I have worked in various roles:
    • in customer service at supervisory level
    • as a community support worker for a large agency
    • on a voluntary basis, as an advisor and social policy worker at the Citizens Advice Bureau
    • in a busy Accident & Emergency department for over 5 years
    • as an Appointments Officer within the District Hospital for over 6 years.
    Of the two options, I'd almost certainly use the second.
     
    What a pity, because I think Loob's bullets are good and easy to read. A CV has a shelf life of about 30 seconds. An employer's eye/brain is obliged to work on the horizontal, but less on the vertical.
     
    frenchifried said:
    What a pity, because I think Loob's bullets are good and easy to read. A CV has a shelf life of about 30 seconds. An employer's eye/brain is obliged to work on the horizontal, but less on the vertical.
    Click to expand...

    Yeah i also like the bullet points :) but this is for an internal application via submitting a form on a computer. I put both options to the friend and they think option A. Cant thank enough for the quick help here though!
     
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