comma with apposition (name): my friend, Tom / my boss, Mr. Andrews

[Rabelaisian]

Hello. Please have a look at these two examples (the source of which is me):

1. I found out from my friend, Tom.

2. This is my boss, Mr. Jonathan Andrews.

Those commas are necessary, right?

Thanks.

 

[lucas-sp]

This is really a case of restrictive/non-restrictive phrases. "My friend Tom" is restrictive, so don't use a comma; "My boss, Mr. Andrews" is non-restrictive, so use a comma.

1. I found out from my friend, Tom. = I am talking to "Tom." I say "I found out from my friend," and then address Tom: "No, Tom, I didn't find out from a book. I found out from my friend."

1a. I found out from my friend Tom. = I found something out. The person from whom I found this out is my friend. This particular friend is named Tom. Out of all your friends, we're talking about the one named Tom. This is a restrictive phrase.

2. works because you only have one boss, so his name is not restrictive.

 

[Rabelaisian]

But, by that logic, it's probably better that a comma not be used in example 2, unless a person is speaking to someone about their boss. For example:

"This is my boss, Mr. Andrews." (Mr. Andrews being the person whom he is introducing his boss to)
"This is my boss Mr. Andrews." (Mr. Andrews here would be the boss.)

 

[lucas-sp]

But, by that logic, it's probably better that a comma not be used in example 2.

No, because the name of your boss is probably non-restrictive. "This is my boss Mr. Andrews" means "This is my one particular boss named Mr. Andrews as opposed to all my other bosses." Normally people only have one boss.

This is my friend, Tom. = strictly speaking, you only have one friend.
This is my friend Tom. = you have multiple friends but only one friend named Tom
This is my friend Tom, who owns a cupcake stand. = you have multiple friends but only one friend named Tom. By the way, he owns a cupcake stand.
This is my friend Tom who owns a cupcake stand. = you have multiple friends, and you even have multiple friends named Tom. However, you only have one friend named Tom who owns a cupcake stand; your other friends named Tom are investment bankers, famous choreographers, and big-game hunters.

 

[Rabelaisian]

No, because the name of your boss is probably non-restrictive. "This is my boss Mr. Andrews" means "This is my one particular boss named Mr. Andrews as opposed to all my other bosses." Normally people only have one boss.

But what about the two examples that I gave of who Mr. Andrews is? That contextualization eliminates all probability and replaces it with certainty. In the first case, with the comma, Mr. Andrews is not the boss. In the second example, he is. However, it is the option of putting or not putting the comma after "boss" that makes that differentiation possible. It has nothing to do with the normality of having only one boss.

 

[lucas-sp]

No, "This is my boss, Mr. Andrews" could very well mean that Mr. Andrews is your boss: this is my boss, who, by the way, is named Mr. Andrews. (It could also mean that you're introducing Mr. Andrews to your boss.)

Don't you do this naturally? If your friend is named Tom, you say "This is my friend Tom" without any pause and without any up-down modulation in your tone of voice. If your boss is Mr. Andrews, you say "This is my boss, Mr. Andrews" with a slight pause and with a downwards modulation on the word "boss" and an upwards modulation on "Mister An​drews."

 

[Rabelaisian]

In terms of pausing, I'd say it's the same after "my friend" as it is with "my boss" when non-restrictive, yes. But when restrictive, I don't feel the pause after "my boss" anymore than after "my friend" when it's restrictive, which is another reason why I'm now thinking the comma should be left out to be consistent with how something like "my friend" is treated when restrictive.

 

[lucas-sp]

If you have multiple bosses and you are specifying that this is your-boss-Mr.-Andrews (as opposed to your other bosses), then "Mr. Andrews" is restrictive and you should not have a comma.

All this:

In terms of pausing, I'd say it's the same after "my friend" as it is with "my boss" when non-restrictive, yes. But when restrictive, I don't feel the pause after "my boss" anymore than after "my friend" when it's restrictive, which is another reason why I'm now thinking the comma should be left out to be consistent with how something like "my friend" is treated when restrictive.

boils down to the fundamental rule that non-restrictive phrases A) get pauses in speech and B) get commas in writing.

In your original question, it is probably true that you have more than one friend and probably true that you have only one boss. Hence my advice. Once you start changing the parameters (you only have one friend! you have multiple bosses!) the possibilities change.