Discussion in 'English Only' started by karlosfabricius, Nov 7, 2007.
Am i right in putting the comma after "...family around you" and before "to relaxing..."?
Hello Karlos, and a warm welcome to the forums.
First of all I don't like the phrase "skydiving out of a plane with all your friends and family around you" - it makes me think they were all skydiving!
Otherwise your commas are correctly placed.
Yes, I would say it's essential. This is a list of things that begin a range and that last item needs a comma to avoid it "coming unstuck" from the beginning of that range and joining the "to" phrase (the end of the range). This is similar to the "serial comma" in lists with "and", which is optional (more so in BE) in simple lists, but becomes essential in complex lists of phrases.
Definitely keep them; the sentence becomes much harder to understand without them.
From swimming with dolphins or climbing the Alps to skydiving out of a plane with your family and friends around; from relaxing under a palm tree to simply enjoying a meal...
This is just a suggestion, but you need to clarify this sentence a little bit, I think.
Would writing it the way I did above still work with the rest of your piece?
You're basically saying: from this to this, and from this to that...ect., etc.
There's a rhythm and a pattern established in this sentence, and I think it's important to stick to it.
Welcome to the Forums!
Thanks for all you input guys, especially yours Angel as i think I'm gawna use that technique.
If you're going to use this pattern, I have another suggestion.
If it's possible, balance out the phrases by adding one more feature to your piece.
Here's what I mean:
Can you add one more?
And that diving out of a plane is very murky in meaning. You need to clean that up, I think. Are you skydiving alone or with your family, or are they just watching?
I also wonder if those semicolons are absolutely necessary. I'd like more opinions on that. Maybe commas. Maybe periods, even though these aren't complete sentences.
I think it depends on the purpose of this piece and also what comes before and after this section. Also how formal is this assignment.
More importantly, though, if you can add just one more activity to make a more perfect balance, I think it will be much stronger then.
Separate names with a comma.