connecting sentences.

amby

Banned
chinese
I am trying to combine the sentences using conjunctions and I wonder if the conjunctions are ok.

The teacher conducted a discussion period. Jack sat at the desk with his head down. He did not want the teacher to call on him. He had not read the assignment.

1. When the teacher conducted a discussion period, Jack sat at the desk with his head down because he did not want the teacher to call on him because he had not read the assignment.
2. While the teacher conducted a discussion perod , Jack sat at the desk with his head down, which means he did not want the teacher to call on him because he had not read the assingment.
3. When the teacher conducted a discussion perod, Jack sat the desk with his head down. In other words, he did not want the teacher to call on him because he had not read the assignment.
 
  • None of the sentences work well as written, but (1) is easy to fix. The only problem with it is the repetition of "because." If you take out the first "because" and substitute a semicolon or dash, it will be fine.

    ... Jack sat at the desk with his head down; he did not want the teacher to call on him because he had not read the assignment.
     

    amby

    Banned
    chinese
    What does the simicolon mean here? Are you saying the sentece should be combined like this?

    When the teacher conducted a discussion perod, Jack sat at the desk with his head down; he did not want the teacher to call on him because....

    Isn't there any other way to combine the sentnece without using semicolon? What conjunction can I use instead of semicolon ?
     
    What conjunction can I use instead of semicolon ?
    None, if you want the sentence to scan well and sound natural - you have too many elements to link only with conjunctions. When a sentence is a long chain of clauses lined by "and," "but" or "because," it takes on a sing-song quality. It sounds childish and is considered poor writing style, even if the conjunctions are used in a way that is grammatically correct. To avoid this problem, you have to use a semicolon or dash or else make two sentences, as coolieinblue suggests. Alternatively, you could re-write the entire sentence, changing the order of the clauses. For example:

    Jack had not read the assignment, so, during the discussion period, he sat at his desk with his head down to avoid being called on.
     
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