connection words

danielxu85

Senior Member
Mandarin Chinese
Connection words have always been my headache. In the following sentences, I tried to link the meanings together with connection words. Could you tell me whether I have used the right ones or how to make improvements.

• Define marketing strategy of retain/regain/replace/upgrade customers to drive sales growth, and increase market share and maximize profitability. Thus, achieve an annual growth of 15% across the AP Region (China, Japan, India, SEA, S Korea, Australia and New Zealand), and lead research house to segment industry customers by loyalty and consumable goods usage significance and consequently develop business model target on prioritized segments.
 
  • emma42

    Senior Member
    British English
    Hi, Daniel! It's perfect in terms of connection words.

    You need to use the gerund (I think, it's the gerund) after "strategy of":

    ...strategy of retaining...

    Or, the bare infinitive

    ...strategy to retain...
     

    Thomas Tompion

    Senior Member
    English - England
    Connection words have always been my headache. In the following sentences, I tried to link the meanings together with connection words. Could you tell me whether I have used the right ones or how to make improvements.

    • Define marketing strategy of retain/regain/replace/upgrade customers to drive sales growth, and increase market share and maximize profitability. Thus, achieve an annual growth of 15% across the AP Region (China, Japan, India, SEA, S Korea, Australia and New Zealand), and lead research house to segment industry customers by loyalty and consumable goods usage significance and consequently develop business model target on prioritized segments.
    Sorry, I deleted my first message because I posted before I was ready.

    This is difficult because the writing is a bit impenetrable - like a lot of writing on this subject. I'll do my best for you, and treat them in order:
    1. The first and is fine.
    2. The Thus doesn't work. The first sentence starts with an order - define. Nothing can logically follow from this order and to use thus meaning in this way, is stretching things. I'd put something like 'This should enable us to...' if that's what you mean.
    3. The next and is fine.
    4. The and consequently isn't wrong, as I see it, but makes the sentence unmanageably long. I'd put a full stop after significance and start the next sentence: 'We should, in this way, be able ...' or, perhaps, 'So we should be able to...' something like that.

    I'm sure these connecting words will come more easily to you over time. Try to keep the sentences short and the constructions as simple as possible, and the linking words will come more naturally. Look also carefully into your use of syllogism - that is a cow; cows are brown; therefore that is brown. Often people use words like therefore in a rhetorical way, to sound grand rather than to point a logical connection. Good writers avoid such a practice. I hope this helps.
     
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