Continued corporate growth?

Rigardo Lee

Senior Member
Original version : Even though they are creative in different ways, young people and old people can both contribute to the strength of a business.



I'd like to paraphrase this sentence to sound better.

Even though they are creative in different ways, young people and old people can both make a vital part of continued corporate growth.

Does the second version sound okay?
 
  • Copyright

    Senior Member
    American English
    The second version – even with "can both be a vital part" – sounds like so much business jargon. Stick with the original.
     
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