Convoluted Syntax?

Sextus

Senior Member
Spanish
"His approach in this book is perhaps to be explained by his interest in Stoicism having been motivated by an as yet unfulfilled desire to discover truth".

Does this sound ok?
 
  • cuchuflete

    Senior Member
    EEUU-inglés
    "His approach in this book is perhaps to be explained by his interest in Stoicism having been motivated by an as yet unfulfilled desire to discover truth".

    Does this sound ok?
    Hello Sextus,

    As I am sure you expected, I find it less thrilling than watching paint dry. Let's review the ideas in that sentence:

    1) He wanted to discover truth.
    2) That desire had not been satisfied.
    3) As a result of 1) and 2), he had an interest in Stoicism.
    4) That source of his interest in Stoicism may explain his approach.

    You have squeezed all of that into a single sentence. You have my admiration for compressing so many thoughts into so few words, without violating any rules of grammar.

    Have you been kind to your reader? Might you show a more generous spirit by breaking it into two sentences?
     

    Sextus

    Senior Member
    Spanish
    Actually, I did expect that from you, but I don't know why given that you love Academic writing.

    I think I could just say: "His interest in Stoicism has been motivated by an as yet unfulfilled desire to discover truth". This seems to be the most important point.
     

    cuchuflete

    Senior Member
    EEUU-inglés
    That is much more clear. You may start a revolution in academic writing by making it easy for the reader to grasp ideas without a migraine.
     
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