Credit/debit and related vocabulary

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EmmaPeel

Senior Member
France - French
Hi all,

I'm stuck on a sentence about pre-paid services.
I'd like to say the following in proper english:
"charging may be correlated with a security key request; in particular, in case of pay-per-view service. In this case, the device may implement a functionality relating the security mechanism to the credit (charged on key request) which assures the customer’s credit is decreased only on data reception."

??
 
  • foxfirebrand

    Senior Member
    Southern AE greatly modified by a 1st-generation Scottish-American mother, and growing up abroad.
    This is techno-bureaubabble of the most impenetrable sort. Seems like every part of speech in the paragraph is an abstract noun, and I honestly can't tell what they're trying to say-- much less judge if it's said correctly.

    You have charging correlating with a request, then a device implementing a functionality relating a mechanism which assures a decreasing of one thing on the reception of another.

    A device implementing a functionality relating a mechanism? A thing using the use of a thing? That sounds so circular it effects an orbital oscillation of cranial configuration-- hell, it makes my head spin.

    Are they saying anything more than, "to use this card, you will now also need a password?" As evasive as they're being, I wonder if it's a blood sample they're after.
     

    panjandrum

    Lapsed Moderator
    English-Ireland (top end)
    Charging may require entry of a security code, for example, to use the pay-per-view service. The customer is only charged if the security code has been entered and the service has been received.
     

    EmmaPeel

    Senior Member
    France - French
    OK. one possible context. e.g. the customer wants to download a video.
    for security reasons, only this user who paid for the download of the video "VDO_dummy" can receive the video or read it. And I want to be sure that if this user paid, his balance of 1 video download is not debited if the video is not downoaded. Is that better?

    My sentence (has to be more generic than only video download) is:
    "in case of pay-per-view service, the device implements a functionality relating the decrypting mechanism to the credit (charged on decrypting key request) which assures the customer’s balance is debited only on data reception. This may apply to a pay-per-view as well as for a viewing time (limited duration)."

    is that correct?
     

    cuchuflete

    Senior Member
    EEUU-inglés
    Bonjour EmmaPeel,
    I believe I've understood your precise intent, but before converting the techno-babble to English, I need one more piece of the puzzle. Who is the reader? If the audience for this text is a patent law examiner, I would make it even more convoluted and abstract, and broaden the application to fill all space not yet occupied by other patented inventions.

    If, on the other hand, this is intended to be read by a potential customer, I might say something more intelligible:

    "in case of pay-per-view service, the device implements a functionality relating the decrypting mechanism to the credit (charged on decrypting key request) which assures the customer’s balance is debited only on data reception. This may apply to a pay-per-view as well as for a viewing time (limited duration)."
    When you want to view a pay-per-view movie, you will enter your security code. Your credit card will only be charged if you receive a successful download of the movie.

    regards,
    Cuchuflete
     

    EmmaPeel

    Senior Member
    France - French
    Thank you Cuchu,

    actually, that is one of my ideas to write a patent proposal from there. :D
    So, following your advice, I'll write the present description in a more intelligible way with your clearer and shorter sentences.

    I'll also keep in mind the elusive way for my patent proposal.

    Emm.
     

    cuchuflete

    Senior Member
    EEUU-inglés
    EmmaPeel said:
    Thank you Cuchu,

    actually, that is one of my ideas to write a patent proposal from there. :D
    So, following your advice, I'll write the present description in a more intelligible way with your clearer and shorter sentences.

    I'll also keep in mind the elusive way for my patent proposal.

    Emm.
    Hola Emm....

    I don't know your country's IP [intellectual property] laws, but here, the dilema is whether to be as broad as possible in describing a new invention, or as finite and narrow as possible. It really depends on the amount of 'prior art' in the subject area.

    With the patent application in mind, I'll have another look at your original text.

    "charging may be is correlated with a security key request from the service provider, together with the receipt by the provider of a valid security key, and verification of a succesful data transmission, in particular, in the case of optional, discretionary services including pay-per-view. In this case, the device's software may invoke a function linking the security mechanism to the credit account (charged on key request I still need help understanding the intent of this phrase.) which assures the customer’s credit is decreased only on data reception rather than on receipt of a transmission request."
    regards,
    Cuchu
     
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