crossroads

[ivex88]

Hello! Did I translate this well? Narrator speaking (it's game, not book). Thank you!


Mel is at a crossroads. She already promised Leandro that she would come. She really wanted to get Marcos once and for all (to catch him, he is a murderer).
But now she can't say no to Leandro. On the other hand, where has Leandro been all this time? She has not heard from him since he was transferred (they are detectives). Did he get in trouble? Should she really get involved with the case (new murder case)?

Mel está em uma encruzilhada. Ela já prometeu a Leandro que viria. Ela realmente queria pegar o Marcos de uma vez por todas. Mas agora ela não pode dizer não a Leandro. Por outro lado, onde Leandro esteve todo esse tempo? Ela não tem notícias dele desde que ele foi transferido. Ele se meteu em encrenca? Será que ela deveria mesmo se envolver com o caso?

Obrigada!!

 

[jazyk]

Eu usaria um artigo definido antes de todos os nomes próprios, mas como indiquei ontem, isto varia de região para região.

Em vez de pegar, acho melhor capturar, por exemplo. Pegar alguém pode ter sentido sexual, e esse foi o primeiro que me ocorreu quando li essa parte.

Aqui já prefiro se envolver no caso, não com o caso, diferentemente de ontem. Não sei dizer por quê.

 

[englishmania]

Como quer a variante brasileira, não vale a pena fazer sugestões na variante europeia. A única coisa que me saltou à vista foi "prometeu a Leandro que viria". Não será iria / voltaria? Dependerá do contexto, o qual desconheço. Apenas me lembrei deste aspeto porque, em inglês, "come" nem sempre é "vir"; pode ser "ir" (I can't come with you. = Não posso ir...)

 

[jazyk]

Sim, inclusive chegar seria uma possibilidade. É necessário mais contexto.

 

[machadinho]

Por outro lado, onde Leandro esteve todo esse tempo?

Por outro lado, o Leandro, por onde ele andará esse tempo todo?

Por outro lado, por onde andará o Leandro esse tempo todo? (é anglicismo?)

por onde terá andado

 

[Nonstar]

Será que a repetição dos pronomes e Leandros não tá um pouco demais?

 

[ivex88]

Thank you. One question.
This is confusing to me. The girl who translated this story (and now I need to continue her work, she is from Brasil too, as I already said). She never puts an article before the name, when the narrator is speaking. But when comes informal conversation between two people, she puts always. Is this the correct way to translate?

Her example:
Narrator - Ela foi lutar contra Nora e Lucas na mansão dela.
Emma - Leia, você viu a Olivia?!

Second exemple:
Leia - A Nora e o Lucas tão juntos.
Narrator - Alex e Charlotte se despediram de Nora e Lucas, e foram embora.

What should I do?

And anothre thing, Ela já prometeu a Leandro que viria. I put here "viria", because on en is She already promised Leandro that she would come (to his place, he called her to come to his house, and she is at her house). Does this change something?

 

[Nonstar]

It seems to me that she kept mixing the registers.
If you want to mimic the way people speak, then you will use the definite article: "Ela foi lutar contra a Nora e o Lucas na mansão dela".
It sounds really weird to me to read "contra Nora e Lucas" then "na mansão dela".
Same for "A Nora e o Lucas tão juntos" is informal, then "Alex e Charlotte se despediram de Nora e Lucas, e foram embora".

Can you feel these nuances?

I can't feel any problem as for the use of "viria".

 

[ivex88]

Yes... I don't know why she did that. Maybe because Narrator should sound more formal..
And one more thing, about "get someone (arrest someone)", what do you think that I should use? You all agree with Jazyk to use "Capturar"?

 

[Nonstar]

Sorry, I overlooked the fact that it's the narrator speaking. In this case, I believe "em sua mansão" would be more suitable.
I personally like "capturar", but I can't think of another word. Maybe others will provide some more suggestions.

 

[machadinho]

Maybe because Narrator should sound more formal..

Not exactly formal, but different, or rather, distinct. It's like playing music. If you play an instrument you must know how hard it sometimes is for us to keep multiple voices separate. The narrator doesn't need to be strictly formal. "It" needs to sound as someone else.

This is especially crucial when multiple voices are to be played simultaneously. And here your narrator sometimes also uses Mel's own voice and thoughts as a literary device to tell the story. For example:

On the other hand, where has Leandro been all this time?
Por outro lado, por onde terá o Leandro andado esse tempo todo?

Here their voices overlap: "por outro lado" is narrator's, the remainder is Mel's. Here I would put an article before 'Leandro' as this should sound as Mel would be thinking to herself even though this is actually narrator's voice.

 

[jazyk]

And anothre thing, Ela já prometeu a Leandro que viria. I put here "viria", because on en is She already promised Leandro that she would come (to his place, he called her to come to his house, and she is at her house). Does this change something?
It changes everything. Then you should use iria.

No offense intended, but one can see from the way you write that your English, which you must have known for years, is not perfect. A language that you are still learning, Portuguese in this case, will pose you many more challenges. I'll reiterate my suggestion: a competent native speaker should take this on. Unless, of course, the translation is made by volunteer amateurs and is intended for a group that can't or doesn't want to pay for the services of a competent professional.

 

[machadinho]

Também acho que seja um desafio e tanto mas até que a @Ivex está dando conta do recado!

 

[ivex88]

Well, to be honest, I am very proud of myself for even trying to translate this, because actually, this is not my job. I'm not a translator, everything I know about en, es and pt, I learned all by myself. I'm aware that I cannot do this job perfectly, but I have to give my best because I work here and it's not on me to decide.
I appreciate your help.