cultivate

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Evi

Senior Member
Greek
Can you please let me know if the word cultivate is 100% ok in the following text. I am not sure I like it.

''We plan to cultivate/develop/create a world of a promising and long lasting collaboration between you and us''

I thought I can also say: ''We plan to create an envrironment of a long lasting and promissing collaboration between you and us.''
 
  • suzi br

    Senior Member
    English / England
    I'd avoid cultivate - strikes me as being a bit false.

    The second one is fine, but I'd cross out "and promising" because it doesn't add much.
     

    Evi

    Senior Member
    Greek
    I'd avoid cultivate - strikes me as being a bit false.

    The second one is fine, but I'd cross out "and promising" because it doesn't add much.

    Maybe use the word ''creative'' and long lasting?

    Can I say: ' we aim to create a world of a long lasting and creative collaboration between you and us, a world of trust and devotion to your goals.... ''

    Thank you
     

    Lexiphile

    Senior Member
    England English
    Maybe use the word ''creative'' and long lasting?

    And can I take out maybe'' to create an environment''? Just say that'' we plan to create a creative and long lasting collaboration between us and you''.

    Thank you
    Yes, much better!!!! "Creating a world..." was awful. And now, how about "between you and us"? That would be even better still.
     

    Evi

    Senior Member
    Greek
    Yes, much better!!!! "Creating a world..." was awful. And now, how about "between you and us"? That would be even better still.
    Ok i decided on this finally:

    ''we plan to create an environment of a long lasting collaboration between you and us, with trust and devotion to your goals.''
     

    Evi

    Senior Member
    Greek
    No objection. :)
    we aim to create a long lasting collaboration between you and us, where there is trust and commitment to your goals.

    Instead of the phrase underlined above I could perhaps use the phrase ''based on trust and commitment''?
     

    Evi

    Senior Member
    Greek
    we aim to create a long lasting collaboration between you and us, where there is trust and commitment to your goals.

    Instead of the phrase underlined above I could perhaps use the phrase ''based on trust and commitment''?
    Sorry about this, I know... but we could say ''.... and commitment in achieving your goals.'' Right?
     

    Lexiphile

    Senior Member
    England English
    No, I don't like that. In general, one has a commitment to something or someone.

    So you could have a commitment to achieving goals, except that it will not be you who achieves the goals because they're not your goals -- it's the customer who achieves his goals with your help and through your commitment. This is a classic case of a sentence that gives your potential customer a good feeling without actually meaning what it says (as I mentioned earlier). What you actually commit to is the achievement of the targets you agree in your contract with the customer.

    If you really want to get "goals" into the sentence, how about "... based on trust and on a commitment on our part to help you achieve your goals"? I don't particularly like it like that -- I think the shorter version as in post #11 was better -- but it does cover more blank space on the page. Perhaps (if you really must mention the customer's goals) you could fit them in somewhere else in the text, rather than trying to mix them with "commitment."
     

    Evi

    Senior Member
    Greek
    No, I don't like that. In general, one has a commitment to something or someone.

    So you could have a commitment to achieving goals, except that it will not be you who achieves the goals because they're not your goals -- it's the customer who achieves his goals with your help and through your commitment. This is a classic case of a sentence that gives your potential customer a good feeling without actually meaning what it says (as I mentioned earlier). What you actually commit to is the achievement of the targets you agree in your contract with the customer.

    If you really want to get "goals" into the sentence, how about "... based on trust and on a commitment on our part to help you achieve your goals"? I don't particularly like it like that -- I think the shorter version as in post #11 was better -- but it does cover more blank space on the page. Perhaps (if you really must mention the customer's goals) you could fit them in somewhere else in the text, rather than trying to mix them with "commitment."
    There is no obligation to mention 'goals' in my sentence.As I can see better now, after having read your excellent explanations, taking out the phrase '....to achieving your goals', my text would look and sound so much better!!!

    Thank you, I will keep it short and simple.
     

    Lexiphile

    Senior Member
    England English
    As it happens, Rana, so do I -- particularly if this is general advertising copy rather than a letter preliminary to negotiation. "Cultivate" sounds more general, as would be appropriate when there is no particular customer project in mind.
     
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