either their parents encouragement or if not hard financial difficulties...

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s.salehi9001

Senior Member
persian
Dear friends,

Could you please say whether this self-made sentence is natural?

Today affluent people have worked particular hours per each week in their adolescence, based on either their parents encouragement or if not hard financial difficulties faced in their lives.

After "either" and "or if not" I used the positive and negative motivations, respectively. Am I allowed to do so?

Perhaps using "today-affluent" makes more sense.
Thank you like always.
 
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  • Hermione Golightly

    Senior Member
    British English
    I'm commenting only on the underlined part of your sentence which sadly contains other errors of expression.
    ... based on either because (of) their parents' encouragement or if not hard financial difficulties faced in their lives.
    "If not" is not essential: it's 'padding' and repetitive. The word 'or' contains the idea of 'if not'.
    I suggest:
    "... either because their parents encouraged them or because they faced financial difficulties."

    or
    " ... either because of encouragement from their parents or because of financial difficulties."

    I prefer 'either because (of)' to be followed by 'or because (of)', because the repetition of 'because' after 'or' provides a very solid basis for the sentence.

    Ideally, there should be a balance in structure. This might be two adjectives, or nouns or noun phrases (because of), or verbal clauses such as: The children were either sick or lazy (adjectives); The children did badly in the tests either because of illness or laziness (nouns); The children did badly in the tests either because they often missed school or because their parents did not encourage them (clauses with finite verbs).

    In my suggested versions, the balance in the first is subject+verb+ object; in the second, it is nouns.

    Try to remove unnecessary words. 'Financial' is essential, but 'hard' isn't: financial difficulties are always 'hard'. '(Faced) in their lives' isn't necessary: where else would difficulties be (faced)?
    The 'tighter' the writing the better! Pretend there's a strict word limit.

    The other problem areas are in italics:

    "Today affluent people have worked particular hours per each week in their adolescence, ... "
     

    s.salehi9001

    Senior Member
    persian
    I didn't understand what you want to say in the underlined part.
    Dear Muttaki as Hermione has patiently explained: After "either" and "or if not" there are two probable reasons lied behind taking part-time job in adolescence.
    solid basis
    Dear Hermione by "solid basis" do you mean the sentence can be easily understood?
    sentence which sadly contains other errors of expression.
    You know what? It takes, at least for me, a long time to get familiar how to write like natives... :(:(:(
     
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