grammatical correctness of the sentences

herrkeinname

Senior Member
Polish
I must apologize to you for sending the whole composition. I have been at the forum only for a few days and I haven't yet managed to get used to all rules.

I've already cut some sentences out that seem to me to be a bit doubtful. I'd be really very grateful to you, if you could correct them.


In my opinion, winning a fortune can contribute to changing the way of living of the person who the fate has bestowed a good luck on.

In addition, their friends would probably want to take adventage of their friends’ generosity and would permanently borrow money from them.
 
  • emma42

    Senior Member
    British English
    Hi Man with No Name!

    In my opinion, winning a fortune can contribute to changing the life of the person on whom fate has bestowed such luck.

    Actually, I would leave out the contribute altogether, so winning a fortune can change the life...

    In addition, that person's friends would probably take advantage of their friend's generosity and would always be borrowing money from him/her.

    But your English is pretty good, though, Man with NN!
     

    panjandrum

    Lapsed Moderator
    English-Ireland (top end)
    I'm going to tread on Emma's toes and risk offending herkeinname by making some stylistic comments on these sentences.

    In my opinion, winning a fortune can / contribute to changing the way of living of the person who the fate has bestowed a good luck on.
    In my opinion, winning a fortune can change the life of the person on whom fate has bestowed such luck.
    The original sentence has three equivocations - three elements that soften the statement you are making. I made those blue.

    No matter how uncertain you might be, you don't need all of them:) I think one is enough, so I want to remove In my opinion or replace can change with changes in the bold sentence.

    Way of living sounds strange. There's nothing wrong with it, but the phrase I expect is way of life, or even better, life.

    The red part of the original makes me worry about who/whom, ends with a preposition, and sounds inelegant. Now I don't particularly care about the preposition, and I don't always understand the who/whom questions, but I know inelegant when I hear it. The alternative suggestion resolves all three of those tensions for me. It has the particular advantage of being a very familiar structure.

    That leaves a choice between these two.
    In my opinion, winning a fortune changes the life of the person on whom fate has bestowed such luck.
    Winning a fortune can change the life of the person on whom fate has bestowed such luck.

    If the context already makes it clear that this is your opinion, you could go for:
    Winning a fortune changes the life of the person on whom fate has bestowed such luck.

    Looking at the next sentence ...
    Oh my goodness, what a tangle - it is strangled by multiple pronouns and political correctness.
     

    maxiogee

    Banned
    imithe
    emma42 said:
    Ow! My toes!
    Don't sit so close to the computer! :D

    herrkeinname said:
    In my opinion, winning a fortune can contribute to changing the way of living of the person who the fate has bestowed a good luck on.
    I'd agree with panjandrum about much of what he said, but I would go further and suggest that there is no-one whose life is not changed by winning a fortune.
    So, I'd only back his second sentence....
    Winning a fortune changes the life of someone on whom fate has bestowed such luck.
    (Fate bestows such luck on more than one person.)

    In addition, friends would probably try to take adventage of their generosity and attempt to borrow money from them.
     
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