has enabled its check by

apoziopeza

Senior Member
slovak
Hi,

Please advise, which version reads better?

Thanks.

A.

Directive

A The documentation must include the evidence that the exploiter has ensured necessary measures for efficient and safe treatment of natural mineral water and that has enabled its check by the relevant health protection authority.

B The documentation must include the evidence that the exploiter has ensured necessary measures for efficient and safe treatment of natural mineral water and that has enabled that it can be checked by the relevant health protection authority.
 
  • Juhasz

    Senior Member
    English - United States
    "Check" is not the right part of speech. "It can be checked by" is better.

    Also, "enabled" is probably not the right word. You might want "ensured."
     

    Keith Bradford

    Senior Member
    English (Midlands UK)
    Neither is correct.

    In English, verbs such as enable, permit, allow... are most typically followed by a verbal clause, not a phrase. So enabled its check is particularly bad. The alternative B is better, but it's still not clear to me who is doing this. I would prefer:

    B The documentation must include the evidence that the exploiter has taken the necessary measures for efficient and safe treatment of natural mineral water and that he has allowed it to be checked by the relevant health protection authority.
     

    apoziopeza

    Senior Member
    slovak
    Neither is correct.

    In English, verbs such as enable, permit, allow... are most typically followed by a verbal clause, not a phrase. So enabled its check is particularly bad. The alternative B is better, but it's still not clear to me who is doing this. I would prefer:

    B The documentation must include the evidence that the exploiter has taken the necessary measures for efficient and safe treatment of natural mineral water and that he has allowed it to be checked by the relevant health protection authority.
    Thanks a lot.
     
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