her eyes ENTANGLED whoever happened to CROSS HER LOOK

Hello everyone,

today's doubt is about the following phrase.
Describing a young lady, we read...

Her blond hair shined like gold to the sun, and her big blue eyes ENTANGLED whoever happened to CROSS HER LOOK.

I chose the verb "to entangle" to convey the idea of something different from charm, and someway stronger.

"Cross her look": I'm not sure if the expression sounds right and appropriate in English

Thanks for your attention!

OT
 
  • Thomas Tompion

    Senior Member
    English - England
    Three issues:

    1. Shined should be shone.
    2. Entangled is strange - I'd prefer engaged or ensnared.
    3. Cross her look is strange - how about meet her gaze, or cross her glance?
     

    owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    Hello, Oscuro. You are using figurative language here, so I think something like "entangled", "trapped" or "entrapped" would suit your purpose well. I agree that "cross her look" sounds unusual. Perhaps it would sound a little more idiomatic to say "whoever happened to cross looks with her", or "whoever happened to meet her gaze".
     

    Thomas Tompion

    Senior Member
    English - England
    I've been trying to think, where, outside poetry, one might say shined instead of shone in BE. After all, the moon shone bright on Mrs. Porter and on her daughter. They wash their feet in soda water.
     
    I would phrase it thus:
    Her blonde hair shone like gold, and her big, blue eyes entangled whoever happened to meet her gaze.
    I like the way you used entangled.
    Thank you very much for your compliment :)

    Your version sounds well and "rolls" really smoothly, but I can't use the verb "to gaze", because it implies that my charming girl INTENTIONALLY looked at someone.

    I would like conveying an idea of casuality, like an eye contact that none of the two involved wanted, but that happened.

    Have a nice week-end :)

    OT
     
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