How to Articulate Critique for this Sentence

thetenant

New Member
English - Australia
Hi there!

I would like to explain to someone why the sentence they have written is incorrect. The sentence is below:

Buy some extra peace of mind and go for one with additional features such as anti-theft properties, making these useful bags perfect for adventuring at home or overseas.

I am having trouble, however, articulating what exactly is wrong with the sentence. I can see where they have started one sentence, then tacked on another thought (the second part) and the problem is how the thoughts are joined. I just want to be able to use the right terminology in my explanation. I'm thinking there is a singular vs plural issue and a tense issue.

Can anyone help?

Thanks!
 
  • stez

    Senior Member
    english - australia
    The second part of the sentence (that is, after the comma) is a type of dangling modifier. I would rewrite the sentence like this:

    ...with extra features, such as anti-theft properties, which make these useful bags...

    The relative pronoun 'which' now refers correctly to 'features'.
     

    se16teddy

    Senior Member
    English - England
    Yes, this is confusing because a participial phrase usually has 1. the subject of the main sentence as its implied subject. There are exceptions:
    2. verbs of perception I saw him opening the door
    3. very formal Latinate legal phraseology I bequeath the house at 28 Coventry Lane, being the property I inherited from Auntie Sally, to my nephew ...
    4. "dangling modifiers", which are commonly considered an error, and where the implied subject is usually the speaker or a character in the narrative: Turning the corner, a handsome school building appeared.
    In the sentence of #1 the intended implied subject is either additional features or anti-theft properties, which are not 1, 2, 3 or 4.
     
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