how to merge these two sentences

barneyventure

Senior Member
french
We may also send you emails announcing new products and services. We may offer you opportunities to beta test new products and services.

is the following ok ?

We may also send you emails announcing new products and services or offering you opportunities to beta test such products and services.
 
  • lizonka

    Member
    English - USA
    It sounds okay to me, though, I would use "and/or" as your conjuction. Unless I misunderstood, it seems that both options are a possibility in the email offering.
     

    barneyventure

    Senior Member
    french
    that's right, both options are a possibility ... At the end of the sentence, such products and services is not too boring ?
     

    winklepicker

    Senior Member
    English (UK)
    To reduce complexity and enhance understanding, how about:

    We may also email you about new products or services and opportunities to beta test them.
     
    We may also send you emails announcing new products and services. We may offer you opportunities to beta test new products and services.

    is the following ok ?

    We may also send you emails announcing new products and services or offering(I'd say "and offer" It's closer to the original meaning) you opportunities to beta test such products and services.
    We may send you emails announcing new products and services along with opportunities to beta test them.

    Also is not needed in the first sentence unless there is a sentence before that says another thing that they'll do. Also would be needed in the second sentence. Though you shouldn't start the second with "we may" because it's too similar to the sentence before it.

    Two "products and services" sounds bad in one sentence. Too redundant. You can use a pronoun. You know what it refers to.

    I like winklepickler's sentence better than mine. It's even simpler and easier to understand. Simplicity is key to understanding. People will ignore redundancy.
     
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