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sweet kitten

Senior Member
Italian
Hello!
Do you think this sentence is correct?
I went to the bar and met Holly.My eyes turned bright.We stared each other for a long time without saying a word and a bit later we hugged a long time
Thank you in advance
 
  • Trisia

    Senior Member
    Romanian
    I think it might be more common to say "lit up," but I'm not too sure, and I really like your version.

    We hugged for a long time.
     

    Trisia

    Senior Member
    Romanian
    There's also the "we stared for a long time" and "then a bit later." Maybe it'd be clearer if you omited the "then a bit" part, or changed it a little.
     

    AngelEyes

    Senior Member
    English - United States
    I'm wondering something, sweet kitten. Did you meet Holly for the very first time in this sentence, or did you go to the bar specifically to see her again?

    It sounds like you already knew her.

    My suggestion:

    I went to the bar to meet Holly, and her eyes lit up when she saw me. We stared at each other without saying a word, and then we hugged each other for a very long time.

    My problem is that you're the writer, so how could you know what your eyes looked like? You can write what hers looked like because all these thoughts and descriptions are coming from your point of view.

    You could add something else, but you need to do it in feelings - how you are feeling. Remember, we're seeing everything through your mind, outward.

    AngelEyes
     
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