if you were any stiffer, we could take you surfing


O'Hara: Well, Kimble, I think you scored.
Kimble: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? The only reason I'm only interested in this women is because she works at the school. She knows the children and the parents.
O'Hara: Kimble, if you were any stiffer, we could take you surfing. Now, I know you like that woman. What is your problem?
Kindergarten Cop, film

O'Hara implies that Kimble is trying to hide his feeling towards that woman, but she knows better. Does the boldfaced joke imply that Kimble is so stiff he could (literally) be used as a surf board?
Thank you.
  • kentix

    Senior Member
    English - U.S.
    It depends on your meaning of "literally". That's what's literally meant, but I doubt she literally believes it.

    I also think there is a very strong probability it's a penis joke.

    "I think you scored." This is usually a reference referring to sex. Of course, things haven't gone that far but the idea is introduced to help "deliver" the true meaning of the bolded line.
    Last edited:


    Senior Member
    English - U.S.
    It's not going to work literally. It's a joke.

    A surfboard is a long rigid thing. She's saying, after meeting the teacher, he is also a long rigid thing - or at least part of him is.

    "If you were any <adjective>er..." is a common setup for a joke.

    If you were any taller, your head would be covered in snow year round.
    Last edited:


    Senior Member
    English UK
    The original text works as a "You're as stiff as a surfboard" joke to me.

    I don't see any need to bring in an interpretation involving penises.
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