Improving quality of prose

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English, Spanish

I'm Bryan, an editor and author with ScholarRx, the people responsible for the First Aid for the USMLE (a review book for medical students), among other things. We're currently working on a medical curriculum, and we want to write the "modules" in a way that is conversational, ie prose. I have previous experience writing and editing scientific manuscripts. Still, I will occasionally wonder "Am I writing this correctly?" I'm hoping I can improve the quality of my writing by getting some feedback on these forums!

Here are just a few examples and questions to get started:

"What is Alzheimer disease, and what causes it?" This is a colloquial way of speaking, which is OK for our project. Is there a correct grammar for this kind of two-part question?

"(There is accumulation of) a protein fragment called beta-amyloid."—Do I need a comma after "protein fragment"? Or would I ever need a comma after this kind of phrase? What if I wrote something like, "One protein in particular, beta-amyloid, is ..." Is this a correct use of commas? What if I wrote "One protein in particular, called beta-amyloid, is ..." Would it need commas in this case?
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