is leaning against

[Bradshaw]

Hi,

Does this sentence sound natural to you native speakers? And is the fragment after the comma well-constructed? I mean, I'm particularly dubious about the use of the verb in present continuous.

There, under the tune of Blonde’s sassy hit Atomic, and unnoticed by all but Renton, is Diane leaning against a bar and veiled in an air of mystery.

THANKS

 

[JamesM]

Well, I'm a comma nut, so I would place a comma after "leaning". It makes sense as it is. To me, "leaning against a bar and veiled in an air of mystery" is a descriptive phrase. I would separate it with a comma.

 

[emma42]

So would I.

The sentence is excellent English. The use of "under" with "the tune" is unusual, but it works for me.

 

[Bradshaw]

Yes, I see it know. I mean it makes more sense to place the comma where you say.
As for 'under the tune', it's the only phrase that I could think of as a 'rough' translation of "bajo las notas de".

Thanks for your quick answers!

 

[Lexiphile]

I'm the honourary president of the Leave-commas-out-whenever-possible Society so I would not under any circumstances put a comma after leaning. As to the continuous tense, it sounds fine. Consider the sentence without all the superfluous verbiage: "There is Diane leaning against a bar and veiled in an air of mystery."

This isn't actually, strictly speaking, a continuous tense. It's a present participle without an auxilliary. But it still sounds good. If you were to say "leaned against the bar," it would make her sound like a cardboard cut-out.

 

[Bradshaw]

Yes, I think that makes sense, too.