Is this ok in english?

AnaLorena

Member
USA
español e inglés
If somebody can help me I wil really appreciate it...

THE AXIS OF MY LIFE

There is none so inseparable to me
There is none who fills my inner space like you
You’re the friend who makes sense to my life
I love nobody as I love you, with all I am

You are my life, Lord
You are the Axis, and my life is turning around you
You are my guide
And nothing and no one will take me away from you
 
  • rsweet

    Senior Member
    English, North America
    Hi Lorena,

    Because this is like poetry, you have a bit more latitude with language here. It's a bit odd to use "none" (instead of no one) when you're talking about a being (you), but I left it, giving you some poetic license.;)

    THE AXIS OF MY LIFE

    There is none so inseparable to me [This doesn't make sense. Do you mean something like "We are inseparable"? I suppose if you wanted to keep the repetition, you could say "There is none so inseparable from me]

    There is none who fills my inner space like you
    You’re the friend who makes sense to of my life
    I love nobody as I love you, with all that I am

    You are my life, Lord
    You are the Axis, and my life is turning around you
    You are my guide
    And nothing and no one will take me away from you
     

    Victoria32

    Senior Member
    English (UK) New Zealand
    If somebody can help me I wil really appreciate it...

    THE AXIS OF MY LIFE

    There is none so inseparable to me
    There is none who fills my inner space like you
    You’re the friend who makes sense to my life
    I love nobody as I love you, with all I am

    You are my life, Lord
    You are the Axis, and my life is turning around you
    You are my guide
    And nothing and no one will take me away from you

    Just a few things Analorena...
    The first, is inseparable... I know your meaning, but you should say 'inseparable from' not to, and "makes sense of my life", not to... To put "with all that I am" in the last line would also be good.
    An excellent poem! :)
     
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