legalize/acceptance

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ChuggaBOOM!!

Member
English
This is a sentence I wrote for my essay about feminism:

"This desire led to success in 1920 where the women's right to vote became legalized, as well as many other fundamental acceptances that gave women the social and political freedom they had yearned for."

I've already stated that it became "legalized", so is it necessary to say "acceptances", or would it sound redundant?

It just doesn't sound right to me. What do you guys advise me to do?


My teacher suggested to replace "acceptances" with "aspects", but it sounds much worse because I don't really think it's an aspect.
 
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  • Elwintee

    Senior Member
    England English
    This is a sentence I wrote for my essay about feminism:

    "This desire led to success in 1920 where the women's right to vote became legalized, as well as many other fundamental acceptances that gave women the social and political freedom they had yearned for."

    I've already stated that it became "legalized", so is it necessary to say "acceptances", or would it sound redundant?

    It just doesn't sound right to me. What do you guys advise me to do?


    My teacher suggested to replace "acceptances" with "aspects", but it sounds much worse because I don't really think it's an aspect.

    What about replacing acceptances by rights (which harks back to the right to vote)?
    Incidentally, I would say "in 1920 when", as it's a time not a place.
     
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