More Often

namlan

Banned
Vietnam
Dear friends!

- If you want your girlfriend to love you more, you should pay more attention to her, and kiss her more often.
- Is this sentence natural?

Thanks a lot!

NamLan
 
  • Trisia

    Senior Member
    Romanian
    To be honest, I'm not very happy with the first part. It makes me feel like he can do certain things in order to trigger certain reactions/responses from the girl. That's mean.

    I'd say: "If you want your girlfriend to feel happy/pleased..."
    "If you want to show your girlfriend how much you love her..."
     

    bibliolept

    Senior Member
    AE, Español
    Thank you, konungursvia. You are right insofar as I should have written "could be eliminated" rather than "should be eliminated."
    namian, the preferred redaction of the sentence would be without a comma. You may leave the comma there, and I might even go so far as to say that it is a stylistic improvement.
     
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