oddychające pojęcie

zzjing

Member
Chinese - Mandarin
Sorry for spamming the board with these threads, but this is another sentence that I found hard to unravel, and it's certainly way too much for Google Translate:

Harey wypełniła mnie bez rysów, bez kształtów, bez twarzy, i naraz przez jej bezosobowe, rozpaczliwą czułością oddychające pojęcie całą powagą swego profesorskiego oblicza zwidział mi się w szarej ciemności Giese, ojciec solarystyki i solarystów.​

The new English translation:

Harey filled me, lacking features, shape, face; and at the same time, through the impersonal idea of her, infused with desperate affection, I had a vision of Giese, the father of solaristics and of solaricists, in all the dignity of his professorial presence.​

For one thing, it seems to me that "at the same time" should be "suddenly". but I could be wrong. Also, I'm not sure where "oddychające pojęcie" fits in the whole sentence structure.
 
  • zaffy

    Senior Member
    Polish
    The PWN dictionary says 'naraz' has two meanings:
    1. happening fast and unexpectedly
    2. happening at the same time.

    naraz – Słownik języka polskiego PWN

    Gosh, I needed to read the things a few times to allay your concern. :) You are right; there is some ambiguity in the new translation as 'infused with desperate affection" is placed after a comma, so we don't know if it was 'me' who was infused with it or 'the impersonal idea of her'. In fact, it looks like it was me, so the translation seems to be wrong. To avoid it, the comma should be removed.

    Apart from the comma, I find the translation really good.
     
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    Ben Jamin

    Senior Member
    Polish
    Sorry for spamming the board with these threads, but this is another sentence that I found hard to unravel, and it's certainly way too much for Google Translate:

    Harey wypełniła​
    Sorry for spamming the board with these threads, but this is another sentence that I found hard to unravel, and it's certainly way too much for Google Translate:

    Harey wypełniła mnie bez rysów, bez kształtów, bez twarzy, i naraz przez jej bezosobowe, rozpaczliwą czułością oddychające pojęcie całą powagą swego profesorskiego oblicza zwidział mi się w szarej ciemności Giese, ojciec solarystyki i solarystów.​

    The new English translation:

    Harey filled me, lacking features, shape, face; and at the same time, through the impersonal idea of her, infused with desperate affection, I had a vision of Giese, the father of solaristics and of solaricists, in all the dignity of his professorial presence.​

    For one thing, it seems to me that "at the same time" should be "suddenly". but I could be wrong. Also, I'm not sure where "oddychające pojęcie" fits in the whole sentence structure.
    My proposal:
    Harey filled me, lacking features, shape, face; and at the same time, through the impersonal, breathing with desperate tenderness, idea of her, I got a vision of Giese, the father of solaristics and of solarists, in all the dignity of his professorial presence.
    czułość is rather "tenderness" than "affection"
    zwidział mi się is a perfective action, so there should be an inchoative verb in English (get)
    at the same time is OK for naraz
     

    zzjing

    Member
    Chinese - Mandarin
    My proposal:
    Harey filled me, lacking features, shape, face; and at the same time, through the impersonal, breathing with desperate tenderness, idea of her, I got a vision of Giese, the father of solaristics and of solarists, in all the dignity of his professorial presence.
    czułość is rather "tenderness" than "affection"
    zwidział mi się is a perfective action, so there should be an inchoative verb in English (get)
    at the same time is OK for naraz
    I see it now, "breathing" was turned into "infused". I guess "oblicza" was translated as "presence". The phrase "w szarej ciemności " seems to be left out though.
     

    Ben Jamin

    Senior Member
    Polish
    I see it now, "breathing" was turned into "infused". I guess "oblicza" was translated as "presence". The phrase "w szarej ciemności " seems to be left out though.
    I was too concentrated on one of the features of this sentence, and forgot to take care of the lacking parts.
    Here is my revised proposal
    Harey, without features, shape or face, filled me; and at the same time, through the impersonal, breathing with desperate tenderness, idea of her, in the twiIight I got a vision of Giese, the father of solaristics and of solarists, in all the dignity of his professorial appearance.

    It is a terribly heavy sentence, but it makes more sense in Polish. The declinability of nouns makes the Polish sentence more easily understandable, than the English translation which depends only on the word order.
    I am not a native speaker of English, and I suspect that the sentence can by rearranged to sound better in English, but now we have at least all the original elements translated, and being closer to the author's intention. Maybe the best thing to do would be to break the sentence into many simple sentences.
    Harey had no features, shape or face, but she filled me thoroughly. The impersonal idea of her was breathing with desperate tenderness. At the same time, through this idea, I got a vision of Giese in the twiIight. He was the father of solaristics and of solarists, and appeared in all the dignity of his professorial image.
     
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    zzjing

    Member
    Chinese - Mandarin
    I was too concentrated on one of the features of this sentence, and forgot to take care of the lacking parts.
    Here is my revised proposal
    Harey, without features, shape or face, filled me; and at the same time, through the impersonal, breathing with desperate tenderness, idea of her, in the twiIight I got a vision of Giese, the father of solaristics and of solarists, in all the dignity of his professorial appearance.
    That works just fine.

    It is a terribly heavy sentence, but it makes more sense in Polish. The declinability of nouns makes the Polish sentence more easily understandable, than the English translation which depends only on the word order.
    It's not too bad in English. Wait until you see it in Chinese, which is what I'm trying to get to.

    BTW, I'm not a native speaker of English either. And your English is excellent.
     
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