or my soul that lies within.

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reese1

New Member
Canada, English
Hello,
This is part of a poem I've written. I'm wondering if 'lies' is grammatically correct. Thank-you.

Though it's true his actions changed me some,
but his darkness didn't win.
He never took my spirit,
or my soul that lies within.​
 
  • Jenikd43

    Senior Member
    Czech Republic, American English
    "Soul which lies within" In this case you'd want to use the word which as opposed to that as you are not separating them from eachother but referring back to the noun. Your use of "lies" as far as I can tell is used correctly as you don't use it reflexively and is intransitive.
     

    Orange Blossom

    Senior Member
    U.S.A. English
    Nice poem, and you have used 'lies' well. My one point, a quibble is about the first and second lines: Though . . . , but . . . Pick either though or but, but don't use both. The reason is that though signals that something either in a previous clause or a following clause will be in contrast to the clause introduced by though. But signals a contrast from the previous clause. Consequently, you have two contrast signaling words in the same sentence but only two clauses. It is similar to writing this:

    Even though he couldn't get up on time, but he got to school on time. :cross:

    Even though he couldn't get up on time, he got to school on time. :tick:

    He couldn't get up on time, but he got to school on time. :tick:

    Orange Blossom
     

    winklepicker

    Senior Member
    English (UK)
    "Soul which lies within" In this case you'd want to use the word which as opposed to that as you are not separating them from eachother but referring back to the noun.
    But this is poetry and you can choose. And I think that sounds better here. It's a beautiful phrase.
     

    reese1

    New Member
    Canada, English
    Nice poem, and you have used 'lies' well. My one point, a quibble is about the first and second lines: Though . . . , but . . . Pick either though or but, but don't use both. The reason is that though signals that something either in a previous clause or a following clause will be in contrast to the clause introduced by though. But signals a contrast from the previous clause. Consequently, you have two contrast signaling words in the same sentence but only two clauses. It is similar to writing this:

    Even though he couldn't get up on time, but he got to school on time. :cross:

    Even though he couldn't get up on time, he got to school on time. :tick:

    He couldn't get up on time, but he got to school on time. :tick:

    Orange Blossom
     

    reese1

    New Member
    Canada, English
    Thank you, Orange Blossom. I will stick with 'though' as it is referring to a previous clause. I originally wrote it without the 'but' and then changed it. I guess I should have left it alone.
    Reese1
     
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