palatable

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Daffodil100

Senior Member
Chinese
This text is from GreenWhiteBlue in Post 4 of my thread in this forum.

I will also tell you that the use of the illiterate "ya" next to the extremely uncommon, scholarly "salutation!" produce a ludicrous effect, as does the use of the illiterate "gonna" followed by the uncommon word "palatable".
Which word should I use to replace "palatable"?

My writing:
Once upon a time there was a ferocious eagle which was the king of birds. He often hovered over the valley scouting around for food. One day he found there was a female owl staying in her nest with her four eggs. When the eagle dived down on the nest and was going to eat the eggs, the mother owl said deferentially, "Salutation! King Eagle! Ya aren't hurgry, are ya?"

"Yes, I am. Ma'am!" the drooling eagle answered in a husky voice . "I'm hungry to death. I gonna to take these four eggs for my breakfast. Mmm, they must be palatable."
 
  • ewie

    Senior Member
    English English
    Hello Daffodil. The problem here is not the word palatable; the problem is not the word gonna; the problem is not any individual word. The problem is the mixing of registers.
    Gonna ~ very very informal, almost slang
    Palatable ~ formal
    Salutation! ~ extremely formal, rather medieval

    While you are of course free to say more or less what you like in a piece of imaginative fiction like yours, it is generally best to choose one register and use only that register.

    Register ~ "Register" is a general term for the level of language, including vulgar, slang, casual, familiar, colloquial, formal...
    [~KellyB]
     

    Daffodil100

    Senior Member
    Chinese
    Hello Daffodil. The problem here is not the word palatable; the problem is not the word gonna; the problem is not any individual word. The problem is the mixing of registers.
    Gonna ~ very very informal, almost slang
    Palatable ~ formal
    Salutation! ~ extremely formal, rather medieval

    While you are of course free to say more or less what you like in a piece of imaginative fiction like yours, it is generally best to choose one register and use only that register.

    Register ~ "Register" is a general term for the level of language, including vulgar, slang, casual, familiar, colloquial, formal...
    [~KellyB]
    Hello Mr Ewie.

    Thank you for your help. I see. Are "tasty" and "delicious" okay here?
     

    ewie

    Senior Member
    English English
    Tasty and delicious would work much better if you were choosing the informal register for your story, yes. But then you would need to change the other formal words and phrases.
    For example, you would need to change Salutation! to the more 'normal'-sounding Greetings!
     

    Daffodil100

    Senior Member
    Chinese
    Tasty and delicious would work much better if you were choosing the informal register for your story, yes. But then you would need to change the other formal words and phrases.
    For example, you would need to change Salutation! to the more 'normal'-sounding Greetings!
    Ewie, thank you very much for your suggestion.:)
     
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