...please prepare a photocopy of your passport, stating your zone, telephone number, “Sado Island”..

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Karen123456

Senior Member
Malaysia English
Those who wish to attend the August pilgrimage, please prepare a photocopy of your passport, stating your zone, telephone number, “Sado Island” or “no Sado Island” and slot it in the Pilgrimage Box.

The above is from a Nichiren Shu magazine.

I believe stating is not correctly used in the sentence. I think on it should have been included. I have revised it as follows. Is it better than the original? Thanks.

Those who wish to attend the August pilgrimage, please prepare a photocopy of your passport, state your zone, telephone number, “Sado” or “no Sado” on it and slot it in the Pilgrimage Box.
 
  • The Newt

    Senior Member
    English - US
    I would do it this way:

    If you would like to attend the August pilgrimage, please prepare a photocopy of your passport, indicating your zone, telephone number, and either “Sado Island” or “no Sado Island,” and slot it in the Pilgrimage Box.
     

    dojibear

    Senior Member
    English - US
    It is confusing, but I think I have figured it out. You want them to (1) "make a photocopy" of their passport on a standard sheet of paper, then (2) write that other information on the same sheet of paper, and (3) put that piece of paper in the slot in the Pilgrimage Box.

    Your sentences don't say this to me. A "photocopy" is the picture, not the piece of paper. It sounds like you want them to make a photocopy (a picture) that has your passport plus this other information, all within the same picture.

    Even your new version is confusing to me, because the word it in the phrase "on it" refers to something that has not been mentioned. That is not normal in English grammar.

    I would say something like "make a photocopy, then on the same sheet of paper state your zone, ...."
     

    Englishmypassion

    Senior Member
    India - Hindi
    If you would like to attend the August pilgrimage, please prepare a photocopy of your passport, indicating your zone, telephone number...
    Here "prepare" means preparing the copy by indicating one's zone, telephone number, etc. Right? Otherwise photocopying doesn't need much preparing, I think.

    Cross-posted with dojibear.
     
    Last edited:

    Hermione Golightly

    Senior Member
    British English
    Hi Karen
    I wonder if this is a translation for translation's sake or instructions in English for participants. You haven't given us this sort of context. It's possible that there are other things that need attention.

    An (acceptable) photocopy means my British passport open at two facing pages, which fits easily sideways on half a sheet of A4 paper leaving plenty of space underneath for additional information of the sort required here. I have the impression that passports are the same size the world-over and arranged much the same inside, otherwise the people who check them would be driven crazy.
    I suggest starting with 'Please provide a photocopy of your passport, open at pages X and X+1, with (details) clearly written underneath'. Spell it out! (I suppose the people involved all know what 'zone' means. I'm just mentioning this because it means nothing to me.)
    You might want to think about 'slot' it in. Maybe it's the usual word in AE. :)

    My general experience of organising events is that nothing can be taken for granted.
     
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