Proverb translation 2 (Mongols and horses)

[Zsuzsu]

Hi,

another translation:

"Mongols are born on horse, grow up on horse, and die on horseback."

This sounds very clumsy but I don't have a clue how I could improve it... Could anyone help, please?

 

[bibliolept]

While "horseback" is used correctly, you should use an article such as "a" with "horse."

"Mongols are born, grow up on, and die on the back of a horse" or "their horses" would sound appropriately epigrammatic to me.

 

[Zsuzsu]

Thanks, bibliolept!
It seems that I don't like the indefinite article today..

 

[ewie]

I would suggest The Mongol is born, grows old, and dies in the saddle

(Zsu, I'm trying to make your proverbs sound like proverbs, rather than translations of proverbs).

 

[tpettit]

While "horseback" is used correctly, you should use an article such as "a" with "horse."

"Mongols are born, grow up on, and die on the back of a horse" or "their horses" would sound appropriately epigrammatic to me.

I would either say "Mongols are born on, grow up on, and die on the back of a horse", or "Mongols are born, grow up, and die on the back of a horse"
Omitting the "on" after the first verb and using it after the second one makes the sentence sound a bit odd. But I am no expert.

 

[Zsuzsu]

Ewie, that sounds really great! Although they often ride without a saddle, I think I'll use yours!

 

[ewie]

they often ride without a saddle

Oops! I'd forgotten about that particular aspect of Mongolianness (I don't come across many Mongolians in my daily routine).
In the saddle can, I feel, be used as a direct equivalent of on horseback, but if you want to avoid being accused of ignorance re Mongolian saddle-less-ness, stick with on horseback

Question to Bibbles: Is there any particular reason you changed on horseback to on the back of a horse, Bibbles? That sounds very literal to me ...

 

[Nunty]

I'd like the rhythm of repetition, but that may be more a Hebrew characteristic than an English one:
"Mongols are born on a horse, grow up on a horse, and die on the back of a horse."

Can't you just hear the hoofbeats? Feel the rocking movement of the horse galloping?

 

[ewie]

I'm horse-sick, Nunty, horse-sick.

You said on the back of a horse as well!

 

[Nymeria]

Or how about, "Mongols are born riding, live riding and die riding."

Here, I am assuming that the natural assumption will be that they are riding horses and not bicycles... or the rails...

 

[Nunty]

[...]
"Mongols are born on a horse, grow up on a horse, and die on the back of a horse."

Can't you just hear the hoofbeats? Feel the rocking movement of the horse galloping?

I'm horse-sick, Nunty, horse-sick.

You said on the back of a horse as well!

For the rhythm:
Mongols are born on a horse, grow up on a horse and die on the back of a horse.

 

[Zsuzsu]

Wow, it seems that my proverbs inspire many people!
Thanks a lot, everybody, now I have plenty to choose from!

 

[Nicki_1]

it should say 'on horseback', not 'on the back of a horse.'

 

[JamesM]

As another option:

"Mongols are born and die just as they live: on horseback."

 

[meowser]

it should say 'on horseback', not 'on the back of a horse.'

Agreed.

 

[bibliolept]

If versions were horses, then all of us would ride.

 

[MrPedantic]

It seems a pity to omit the Mongolian saddle.

I would plagiarise two earlier versions (with apologies) and say:

1. The Mongol is born, lives, and dies in the saddle.

("Growing up" doesn't seem a very proverbial concept, in English.)

MrP