shave a little bit the cost<;?> seeing that I'm a return patient [semi-colon?]

Learnathon

Banned
English (Japanese American)
Thanks for getting back to me very promptly. I still use the same Anthem PPO premiere plus 100 insurance plan, and I have no problem paying the 150$ fee, but would you be able to shave a little bit off the total cost; seeing that I'm a return patient and have been your patient for nearly 5 years now, and am in the military(Air National Guard)?

Should I use a semi-colon in between cost and seeing or is a comma better?
 
  • cyberpedant

    Senior Member
    English USA, Northeast, NYC
    A comma would be better, but the whole second sentence has other errors and is far too long and uncoordinated. We're not allowed to proofread in this forum, so I must leave it at that.
     

    Learnathon

    Banned
    English (Japanese American)
    A comma would be better, but the whole second sentence has other errors and is far too long and uncoordinated. We're not allowed to proofread in this forum, so I must leave it at that.
    Thanks for getting back to me very promptly. I still use the same Anthem PPO premiere plus 100 insurance plan, and I have no problem paying the 150$ fee, but seeing that I'm a return patient and have been your patient for nearly 5 years now, and am in the military(Air National Guard), would you be able to shave a little bit off the total cost?

    Is this better?
     

    Hildy1

    Senior Member
    English - US and Canada
    I would suggest dividing the sentence into two. If I understand the meaning, the division would come after "fee".

    Thanks for getting back to me very promptly. I still use the same Anthem PPO premiere plus 100 insurance plan, and I have no problem paying the 150$ fee. But would you be able to shave a little bit off the total cost,seeing that I'm a return patient and have been your patient for nearly 5 years now, and am in the military(Air National Guard)?
     
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