Tell me why doesn't a man who knows he's going to die become a deserter

[OleMorris]

Hi everybody,
I'm struggling to understand if this sentence is correct. I know it's rather heavy and quite Early-Modern-English-sounding, but I'd like to know if - at least on a theoretical level - all the parts of the sentence are in the right place.

Tell me why doesn't a man who knows he's going to die become a deserter

Would it be also possible to say:

Tell me why a man who knows he's going to die doesn't/wouldn't (?) become a deserter

Or:

Tell me why a man wouldn't become a deserter who knows he's going to die

I have to point out these are not questions, but statements (no question mark). f you have any suggestions on how it could be improved, I'm all ears!
As always, thanks in advance!

 

[PaulQ]

Statements are written Subject Verb Object

...Tell.................me..............why...........a man....who knows he's going to die...doesn't/wouldn't become....a deserter
Imperative....indirect object...adverb........subject...[.....defining relative clause.]...................verb.................object
Imperative....indirect object....................[...............................subject..........]...................verb.................object
Imperative....indirect object...[.........................................................direct object................................................]

This is the usual word order.

 

[OleMorris]

Thought so, thanks for your reply! I guess I was misled by the insertion of the auxiliary after the interrogative pronoun in questions.
Would it be possible to alter the sentence for stylistic reasons so as to have:

Tell me why a man doesn't become a deserter who knows he's going to die

I understand it's a slight distortion of the usual syntactic rules, but my aim is to make it sound more poetic/theatrical.

 

[PaulQ]

Would it be possible

To be frank, anything is possible in "poetic/literary" style - you can abandon conventional grammar any time you wish. (How your audience receives it is a different matter.)

 

[OleMorris]

To be frank, anything is possible in "poetic/literary" style - you can abandon conventional grammar any time you wish. (How your audience receives it is a different matter.)

On a personal level, do you feel that it just sounds uncommonly weird/freakish or that it may be accepted as a sort of poetic compromise (if it had to rhyme with another poetic line, for instance)?

 

[PaulQ]

As part of a set of lyrics, it works.

Note doesn't and wouldn't carry, unsurprisingly, different meanings

 

[OleMorris]

Yes, of course.
Thanks for your help!