The movement of what we all are on

Man_from_India

Senior Member
Indian English
I wrote this sentence. Just it came out of blue and I wrote it. I personified Clock, Dawn etc. Here goes my sentence:

For those who yell at the Clock for sounding Alerm at the hours when Dawn breaks, start blaming our own intelligence who dared to measure the movement of what we all are on.

Does the bold part sounds natural? If not, what changes do I have to make?
 
  • I wrote this sentence. Just it came out of blue (It just came out of the blue) and I wrote it. I personified Clock, Dawn etc. Here goes my sentence:

    For those who yell at the Clock for sounding the Alarm at the Hours when Dawn breaks, start blaming our own Intelligence who dared to measure the Movement of what we all are on.

    Does the bold part sounds natural? If not, what changes do I have to make?
    Your charming sentence is poetry and already lies outside the realm of natural punctuation or word order. I capitalized all the nouns for the sake of consistency. I am tempted to capitalize the prepostional pronoun as: of What, the Movement of What, etc.

    No, the Movement of What we are all on, referring to the Earth, is not natural, but is it poetic and maintains your clock reference.
     
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