The sun will my tears dry

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123chloe

New Member
français- france
"the sun will my tears dry"
can I formulate this sentence like that for a poem? i don't know if this type of sentence is possible in a poetic english langage... or even if it makes sense.

thanks a lot!
kle
 
  • Kelly B

    Senior Member
    USA English
    You can. It sounds archaic, but it's comprehensible, if you're aiming for a particular stylistic effect.
    (I'm pretty sure you already know you wouldn't use it in ordinary writing, much less speech.)
     

    Enquiring Mind

    Senior Member
    English - the Queen's
    Hi 123chloe, why do you want to formulate the sentence with that particular word order - the sun will my tears dry? It gives you the same number of syllables (for the metre) as the standard "the sun will dry my tears", but the sentence stress is then thrown out of kilter, though that isn't always important in poetry. Do you need the rhyme for "dry"? If so, wouldn't (3) below sound better and keep the natural stress?

    (1) The sun will dry my tears (standard word order)
    (2) The sun will my tears dry :confused: - stress on "my" is odd, as "will" and "my" are the "weak" words in that line, they wouldn't normally carry any stress.
    (3) My tears the sun will dry :idea: - keeps the stressable words in the right position - if that's important.
     

    Mauricet

    Senior Member
    French - France
    (2) The sun will my tears dry :confused: - stress on "my" is odd, as "will" and "my" are the "weak" words in that line, they wouldn't normally carry any stress.
    Out of curiosity, EM, would The sun will my tears dry sound admissible, or is it incompatible with any English poetic style?
     
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    Enquiring Mind

    Senior Member
    English - the Queen's
    Hi Mauricet, I suppose anything is admissible in poetry, especially, for example, in some modern "poetry", where it's sometimes difficult to know where the "poetry" actually lies - in the sense, the metre, the rhyme or whatever? Sometimes it can just look like the disjointed ramblings of someone who may have been smoking something exotic.

    As far as I know, The sun will my tears dry is not a standard English poetic style or metre, but I am not an expert. The "weak" words - in this case the auxiliary "will", and "my" - would not normally be able to behave as a stressed syllable for rhythm, unless the emphasis is needed for the sense. My tears the sun will dry is simple inversion, which is very common, and the words that can carry the stress do carry it. If 123chloe's line needs "dry" as the last syllable for the rhyme, this simple inversion is the most natural way to achieve that while remaining pleasing to the ear.

    The sun will my tears dry violates the acceptable rhythm, though as I said, that is not always important. We'd really need to see some more of the poem to get a feel for its structure, metre and rhyme.
     

    123chloe

    New Member
    français- france
    Hi there, and thanks a lot for all your very interesting answers. In reading, I learned a lot about English poetry rules,i'm impressed by the high level, so many thanks again.
    Actually, I wanted to use the sentence ' the sun will my tears dry" in a song, that's why I was talking about a poetic way of langage.
    I know that it isn't grammatically correct or maybe archaic, but i've just wanted to know if it wasn't too stupid or strange, or it had any sense.
    It seems to be wrong for some of you, i'm lost...
    And, yep, I would like to keep the "dry" in final position!
    One permutation I like, and which hasn't been mentioned yet, is "The sun my tears will dry".
    and thanks for this suggestion, well done!
     
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