the use of /... is this legit?

bassmanwho

Member
Chinese
Dear English Gurus:

Does this sentence make sense to you?

Filter installation and maintenance can only be performed by/under the supervision of qualified service personnel.

I wonder the use of / here to separate phrases is legit here. Thanks for your input.
 
  • owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    "Under" is a very good word here, Bassmanwho, if you want to say that the service personnel will be supervising the work done by less-qualified workers. "By the supervision" doesn't sound nearly as good. If you want to say "by the service personnel or under their supervision", the sign "/" seems a little confusing. It confused me.
     

    Parla

    Member Emeritus
    English - US
    The context isn't clear here. Are you quoting a sentence you read? Or are you writing it and trying to decide which phrase to use?
     

    bassmanwho

    Member
    Chinese
    Everyone thanks for your prompt reply. What I'm saying here is:
    1. It can be performed by the user, under the supervision of qualified service personnel.
    2. It can be performed by qualified service personnel.

    I'm trying to eliminate the second occurrence of "qualified service personnel" by combing the sentences into one.
     
    Last edited:

    Myridon

    Senior Member
    English - US
    In my opinion, that doesn't do what you want. For me, that notation only gives the choice "by or under" when you want to "by or under the supervision of" so your version seems to say "by the supervision of... or under the supervision of...".
    Another problem is that the combined sentence doesn't say who is going to be supervised which your two sentence version does specify. In the short version, it sounds like it might be performed by the qualified person or qualified person's trainee or assistant (because the qualified person is the trainee's supervisor).
     

    bassmanwho

    Member
    Chinese
    It seems that my sentence does not do the trick. Here's another revision:
    Filter installation and maintenance can either be performed by users under professional supervision, or by qualified service personnel.

    Does this one sound better?
     

    owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    That sentence sounds great, Bassmanwho. Anybody who reads English reasonably well should be able to understand it.
     

    Copyright

    Senior Member
    American English
    Everyone thanks for your prompt reply. What I'm saying here is:
    1. It can be performed by the user, under the supervision of qualified service personnel.
    2. It can be performed by qualified service personnel.

    I'm trying to eliminate the second occurrence of "qualified service personnel" by combing the sentences into one.
    It is my experience that Chinese speakers (and perhaps many others) don't like to repeat words, thinking is it some sort of error. That's just not true, especially in the case of technical details.

    It seems that my sentence does not do the trick. Here's another revision:
    Filter installation and maintenance can either be performed by users under professional supervision, or by qualified service personnel.

    Does this one sound better?
    It doesn't sound better to me because there's some ambiguity -- is "professional supervision" the same as "qualified service personnel"? Is the "qualified service personnel" even connected to your company? The reader has no way of knowing -- he may think that his boss constitutes "professional supervision."

    This isn't the time to practice creative writing. Just be clear:
    Filter installation and maintenance can either be performed by
    one of our qualified service personnel, or by the user under our supervision.
     

    owlman5

    Senior Member
    English-US
    Don't forget, Bassmanwho, that you can use a simple possessive adjective to express this thought clearly: ...by qualified service personnel or under their supervision

    Copyright's version looks dummy-proof to me. :)
     

    bassmanwho

    Member
    Chinese
    This procedure is best carried out by qualified service personnel since deadly voltage is present when the product is in operation. However, if someone, say the purchaser of this device, wish to perform it, the entire process must be monitored.

    Copyright’s version is neat, however it might not necessarily be “one” person to perform the action. Chances are there could be many service personnel performing this installation/ maintenance on multiple devices or two personnel installing on one device to speed up the process.

    Repeating twice sounds fine to me. But in some occurrences there can be more than three “qualified service personnel” in a single paragraph. To me, this sounds like computer codes and tedious.

    Here’s an example I made up on the fly:

    The installation can only be performed by qualified service personnel. If you wish to perform yourself, do so under the supervision of qualified service personnel. Refer all services to qualified service personnel.
     

    Copyright

    Senior Member
    American English
    This procedure is best carried out by qualified service personnel since deadly voltage is present when the product is in operation. However, if someone, say the purchaser of this device, wish to perform it, the entire process must be monitored.

    Copyright’s version is neat, however it might not necessarily be “one” person to perform the action. Chances are there could be many service personnel performing this installation/ maintenance on multiple devices or two personnel installing on one device to speed up the process.
    Take out "one of":
    Filter installation and maintenance can either be performed by our qualified service personnel, or by the user under our supervision.

    Repeating twice sounds fine to me. But in some occurrences there can be more than three “qualified service personnel” in a single paragraph. To me, this sounds like computer codes and tedious.

    Here’s an example I made up on the fly: The installation can only be performed by qualified service personnel. If you wish to perform yourself, do so under the supervision of qualified service personnel. Refer all services to qualified service personnel.
    The installation can only be performed by qualified service personnel or under their supervision.

    Having said that, I think you have enough pieces of the puzzle that you can put something together yourself. But don't do it on the fly -- give it some serious thought. After all, it's high voltage (which we're just now learning.) :)
     
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