thesis clarity

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Franciz

New Member
Philippines, Tagalog, English
Hi,
I'm having trouble deciding which thesis to use. Below are the thesis(es) that I created with the topic Advertising is a propaganda with questions attached to them. Thank you in advance.

[Original]
Advertising is a form of propaganda used by major corporations to persuade people’s beliefs, and behaviours by mass flooding selected information that appeals to the unconscious level of thinking in order to control people's attitudes and actions.
Note: Does this sound redundant because I already mentioned "persuading people's beliefs, and behaviour" in the beginning?

[Revised: 1]
Advertising is a form of propaganda used by major corporations to persuade people’s beliefs, and behaviours by mass flooding selected information that appeals to the unconscious level of thinking in order to control a nation’s way of living.
Note: I changed "people's attitudes and actions" to "a nation's way of living" because it clarifies what I'm trying to say, but doesn't it mean the same thing as the Original one? Or, does it sound like that it has a different connotation?

[Revised: 2]
Advertising, a form of propaganda, is used by major corporations to control a nation’s behaviour by persuading people to think and act in a desirable way by educating them through mass flooding of selected information that appeals to the unconscious level of thinking.
Note: Is this more clearer than the previous two?

[Revised: 3]
Advertising, a form of propaganda, is used by major corporations to control a nation’s behaviour by persuading people to think and act in a desirable way by educating them through excessive exposure to selected information that appeals to the unconscious level of thinking.
Note: If this different worded thesis is better than the first two, does replacing "mass flooding" with "excessive exposure" make it more clearer since I'm referring to ads?
 
  • helper

    New Member
    USA-English
    I know this isn't what you asked. I apologize for being so presumptuous.

    A re-write:

    Major corporations use advertising propaganda to flood the unconscious minds of the target group to change their attitudes and actions.

    If this doesn't help please just ignore it.
     

    Cagey

    post mod (English Only / Latin)
    English - US
    Hi,
    I'm having trouble deciding which thesis to use. Below are the thesis(es) that I created with the topic Advertising is a propaganda with questions attached to them. Thank you in advance.

    [....]

    [Revised: 3]
    Advertising, a form of propaganda, is used by major corporations to control a nation’s behaviour by persuading people to think and act in a desirable way by educating them through excessive exposure to selected information that appeals to the unconscious level of thinking.
    Note: If this different worded thesis is better than the first two, does replacing "mass flooding" with "excessive exposure" make it more clearer since I'm referring to ads?
    I find each better than the previous one, and for the reasons you suggest.

    This last version is the best, in my opinion. Still I have a few suggestions relating to the values implied by the following words:

    (1) 'excessive' exposure: Something is excessive in someone's opinion. You and I might agree that advertising is excessive, but from the advertiser's point of view it is not if it accomplishes his goals. A more neutral but descriptive term like "repeated" would be better, in my opinion.

    (2) 'desirable' is again from someone's point of view. In this case, it is the advertiser's, but maybe not anyone else's. I would say 'desired'. It will be understood that it is desired by the advertiser but not imply that you agree or that you expect other people to agree.

    (3) 'educated' Education is generally considered a good thing, but the kind of persuasion done by advetising is not what people usually mean by education.

    I would suggest eliminating this last one. My suggestion would be:

    .... act in the desired way by educating them through repeated exposure to selected information ....
    I am sure you could improve on this.
     

    NickJunior

    Senior Member
    Khmer
    I know this isn't what you asked. I apologize for being so presumptuous.

    A re-write:

    Major corporations use advertising propaganda to flood the unconscious minds of the target group to change their attitudes and actions.

    If this doesn't help please just ignore it.
    I agree with Helper because the re-write includes a limited subject and a clear statement. In addition, propaganda tries to manipulate people's emotion to win them over to buy their products. Various forms of propaganda techniques include, just to name a few here, the bandwagon appeal, the testimonial, transfer, the plain-folks appeal, name calling, glittering generalities, etc.
     
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